I didnt point out that she was neglectful, I just merely said I was upset that if my son wasnt with her, then he should have been given the option to be with me. I also think it's continued poor judgement on her part to seek out her friends at the expense of her kids. I am also amazed she didnt come down to see her son in the emergency room. I didnt make either of these points to her and I'm sure she doesnt see it that way.
I dont normally talk to my kids each day. Both kids have cell phones and we communicate a lot, until lately. Son has 'lost' his phone at moms house and Daughter doesnt have a charge for hers, also lost over there. Interesting how they werent lost when the kids were with me for a week.
She sure sounds neglectful if she does not spend that much time with her son and puts time with her friends first. And not coming to the hospital when her son is in agony stinks. I cant imagine staying home when one of my kids is at the emergency room.
Just remember that if you reply and try to defend yourself you will lose. Express but dont defend your feelings. Be polite.
When it comes to arguing with a woman... when you lose, you lose, and when you win, you lose. Dont argue.
If you can get her over for a glass of wine - Listen. Dont try to fix. Let her know you are paying attention by paraphrasing. Ask her questions that encouarage her to tell you more.
Your wife is only going to come to a conclusion on her own as to if she wants to back out of the divorce. You should only be focused on your kids and your own happiness.
my son is doing fine. he just called me..he's doing great. i love that he's calling me. it's moms weekend with the kids, but my son wants to spend it with me, so he will be coming over tomorrow. this could be the source of w's anger. her anger is not justified at least how she presents it. I can understand maybe if she's frustated at a certain issue, but not how she cranks up about it.
I have been pretty focused on me and my kids, but in order for her and I to develop, we need to spend some time together. I called her yesterday just to chat. She did do that, but then bailed on me when a friend walked up. she called back later and apologized. she also apologized in an email. i havent recognized either nor the angry email from today.
I may call her in a bit and see if she'd like to come over. I have zippo expectations and doubt she would, but it would make me feel good for inviting her.
well....I called my W around 11:00. She was just going to the neighbors house to pick up my D and they poured her a glass of wine, so she couldnt really talk to me. I didnt invite her over. I wasnt going to throw that out there knowing the answer. She said she would call me back.
I went to bed....this morning I noticed two calls on my phone. One at 11:45 and one at 1:20. wow....1:20? did she really think I'd be up at 1:20?
My s12 didnt want to go with mom this weekend, so he stayed with me. If you remember last weekend, she left him with her parents while she flew off with D9 to see a friend for the weekend. He didnt want to go and didnt want to go this weekend either. He wanted to stay with me. So, yesterday we played some golf and today he had a baseball doubleheader.
The 2nd baseball game ended at 4:30. At 5:01 she calls, 'where are you?'....the drop off time is 5pm. I was about 2 minutes from home. She said it's 5:00 and I have to be someplace at 5. I said I didnt think you would be there on time (cause she never is on time, ever), and that s12 had baseball and were almost home. (it was her weekend with the kids, yet I am the bad guy of course)....she says I know, but if you cant make it on time, you need to make other arrangements. (are you serious?)
I said where do you have to be? she wouldnt tell me, then finally did, book club.
I said it probably starts at 5, and I doubt you have ever been there right at 5 anyways. Then when I drove into the driveway, she totally ignored me and started talking to S12. It was as if I wasnt even in the car. No 'hi', or anything....I just looked at her and said you are truly amazing. All I got was a 'really?'
HI, I'm so sorry I have gotten behind in keeping up with your stitch. I kind of glanced over this last thread and I see you are a long way from being over your W. I also saw where you were very upset with her about the children. So, the bottom line here (b/c it is after midnight and I've got to get my behind in the bed) is do you want her back or not?
If so and if her LL is the same as mine.......words of affirmation.....then maybe I can help just a tiny bit. I'm going to pretend that you said......."Sure, Sandi....go for it!"
Okay, first of all, stop talking to her like a husband! (ugh) That can be a big "turn-off" (teasing ya). Seriously, though, try to talk to her more like you were a different guy that was flirting with her and being "playful". Keep everything "light and fun". That way, the affirmation is easier to get into the conversation and doesn't sound so.....you know.....out of place or fake. Since you are separated, you can have an advantage of appearing more "fresh" and charming, with loads of personality......but don't over-kill or she will pick up on that in a second. Have you practiced? (lol) I don't know about you, but it may feel kind of weird to some people that are married to the person to do this, but I think it is necessary. The more you do it.....the easier it becomes.
If her LL is words of affirmation, then I can tell you that her soul is starving for it. That is probably why she said what she did in that text about you haven't acted like you had missed her. Hummm......."hint". Yeah, she wants it. (The words, I mean.)
Sweetie, I was so hungry for attention and to hear those words that I needed to hear, that when my OM came alone and started talking with that silver tongue of his......I just melted. I want YOU to be her OM with the silver tongue. Okay? Start using that charm and find different ways that you can get those shots of affirmation in there. Think about the different ways to compliment her using different adjectives.......so it doesn't sound like you are saying the same thing each time. You will have a lot of opportunities between now and December. Make the most of it.
Let me hear from you. I've missed talking with ya.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Sandi, Thanks for checking up on me. I do love my wife very much, regardless is she makes me angry from time to time.I respect and appreciate your advice whenever you stop by(hitting your LL, just practicing). I was expecting a 2x4 when I saw you posted on my thread.
I just really don't understand her behavior or priorities right now, but I do love her. Its very hard to get over her and I just don't understand her right now.
I have listened and gone over the laundry list of reasons I'm not the one for her. Most are BS, but It seems to me the topic or theme that comes up a lot that I have deciphered from what she has told me is that she didn't feel loved from me or didn't know how much I loved her. I never knew this of course and I guess I was terrible of showing my feelings. I believe this is part of the LL affirmation. The problem is right now, she will not allow herself to let me 'love' her or show her that. Its very hard to give her compliments in the little contact we are having, its also hard because she's acting very bizarre and very selfish. I need some help in figuring out how to do that.
I guess I am still confused on the 1:20am phone call. It holds a lot of mistery for me. I am assuming she may have been drunk and some of her barriers came down for a bit.
