Is he starting to come home?

[No Longer BH]

Sara, I have had that thought about Retro as well. There are too many issues for us to adress alone, and I would want to do it in a healthy enviroment. R talk has not even come up between us, though. I am just going by his actions at this time. It is almost like he is his old self around me; joking and doing acts of service for me without me asking him to. We did take a small step back on Thursaday night. He was agitated when I got home due to a fight with our S. He then spiraled into talking about gettin on with mediation and he felt we obviously still had communication problems. I was detached and did not engage in any form of his antagonising behavior. At the end of the night he was apologising for his behavior but I could tell he was still upset. I have not heard from him since. I look at it like this: we are on a long journey and there will be bumps in the road. I do not let it get to me when he brings up the D, instead I think that until he feels safe enough to truely want to come home, then he is going to continue to think he wants a D. I am focusing on the baby steps instead of the end results and it feels like he is giving me those.

Saffie, it is funny how when we lose so much weight our confidence comes back. I know that towards the end of our R, my self esteem was so low that I looked to my H to fill me up. That was not fair to put that kind of pressure on anymore. We are all responsible for our of happiness, and it took this event in my life to show me that I needed to work on my insides to get that confidence back. When the weight started to come off, it was an added bonus. Now I am the happy go lucky girl that I was when we first met AND look great as well. I think these changes in me are what are starting to draw my H back in.

The fear I still have is that I am reading too much into his actions. What if he truly does not love me anymore? Although, I feel that we have been through too many wonderful times in our relationship for his love for me to disappear that quickly. I still think that his lack of love was really his depression masking his ability to feel any love. I would appreciate any thoughts on my situation - good or bad. Thanks.