I know my H was emotionally vulnerable when he met this woman -- and like you said, it still doesn't make it OK!
The oddest thing to me is something my H would joke about over and over in our marriage: He always said he would never "cheat," because he's too lazy and it would require too much work to sneak around. I actually believed him.
Well he definitely found a lazy way to sneak around -- on the computer! I think the online/internet stuff is definitely contributing to marriage problems in a major way, because it's too easy to sit at home, start chatting and suddenly be wrapped up in somebody. It's much harder, in some ways, to do that in real life since you actually have to make time "out" of the home and be physically away from your family to develop that type of relationship.
In the early days, when my H first got wrapped up in this stupid online role-playing game, my H would actually sit in the living room with his laptop, with me watching TV. I excused it because, frankly, he is a computer programmer and often needs to "do work" from home, check in on network issues at night from home when no one is on his system at work... So it made it "easy" for him to hide it.
Of course, I remember first being really annoyed (and possibly suspicious) in Feb or March when we were watching TV, he was online and suddenly he was laughing hysterically. I asked him what he was laughing at and he said "They are trying to throw me in the water/ocean..." in Second Life and I thought "Okay! Weird!!!" and it made me a little uncomfortable that my H was taking such "joy" in this fake, cartoon, world online.
I never liked it, from the start -- when he first logged on to it, he was showing me and his "character" arrived in some group of people in dominatrix gear and I thought it was kind of scary/weird/dark. So I've never liked it since then... even though my H tried to validate by talking about all the businesses who own "land" in the game and host "conferences" and "meetings" in the game. He actually first got on it for work, so it was a legitimate reason that has now gone too far and contributed to the downfall of our marriage.
Originally Posted By: saffie
If it's any consolation, they are probably being lied to by our H's as well whilst the A is going on. I think both the cheating partners are liars.
I know he lies to OOW, at least little white ones. Like he will tell her he's doing things with our D, but he's actually doing something with BOTH of us. The other night we all went to a baseball game -- D and I met him after work at the stadium. He told the OOW that he had to "pick up" our D and "take her" to the game that night -- like he is some noble, committed father and it was his custody night or something. But lo and behold, it wasn't the truth -- we both met him at the game (because it was halfway between his work and home, so it made more sense to "meet" him there) and watched the game together, as a family. He even waited to go in the lot one car ahead of me, so he could pay my parking fee. And we bought a "family pack" of tickets... I guess he's "protecting" the OOW from the fact that we still do things together as a family.
So that's just one little white lie this week. I wonder what other lies he's telling her?
M 39 H 34 D 6 M almost 8 years T 11 years Bomb: 6/5/08
