((Lisa)) and ((T)) you guys are the best. Thanks for everything!
Wish I had something juicy to tell you....
The bathroom renovations have started. So much effort to get up early, make sure the house is looking OK, and that my hair and makeup are good for the 2 seconds I see H, as he starts building work and I leave for my work! He gives mixed signals all the time. Have no idea what he is thinking. He almost always ends conversations first. But then he is initiating conversations and texts much more than just a few weeks ago.
No more news about the possible date this Friday... not sure what to think. Blah! Its not that hard to realise that I'm wonderful and that his life is a mess without me, and that he needs me!! What is taking him so long!! ha ha!!
I think it's really interesting that H is sending mixed signals- he's obviously a bit confused and conflicted, but I don't see that as a bad thing at all. Actually, I think it's really positive considering that it wasn't that long ago that he was only sending 'not interested' signals. That's really great progress!
I think wait and see about the date on Friday? No expectations (I'm having them for you).
It is TOTALLY obvious that you're a super-hot babe and his life is incomplete without you. Hard to understand why he doesn't just get that, but I think he's slowly getting there!
Hi lovelies. Think of me tonight - its the big 'date'. H confirmed with a text message 'officially' asking me out tonight! Crossing my fingers for some kissing action! But at the same time not wanting to be in any R with anyone including H!!
I tried flirtatious text messages this week (about massages..... its a long story) but got zero good response. Probably scared him off!! (Must not come on too strong tonight.....)
Saturday I'm doing a course so I can do volunteer work at a children's hospital. With the main goal of meeting sexy, rich, single doctor! Ha ha!!
so excited to hear about this date!!! can't wait!!! mmmm... maybe I can borrow some of your flirtatious text message lines??? can you give me a correspondence course in flirtatiousness??
Thanks girls - luckily H didnt disappoint us at all!
Well H took me to see Andrea Bocelli!!! Pretty cool huh! Especially because I walked down the isle to Andrea Bocelli and we did our first dance to the same song at the wedding reception. I was really surprised that H was thoughtful enough to get tickets (especially as blind, opera singer is not really his thing!! ha ha!)
When Andrea sang 'our song', it was a bit emotional. I turned to look at H, and he looked a bit teary - we had a long look in each other's eyes. And then I think I took his hand, and gave it a big squeeze and so then H kept his hand on my knee/thigh... Then just when I thought I had managed to hold it together Andrea sang "I cant help falling in love with you". Tears were streaming down especially the line 'take my hand, take my whole life too'. I was thinking 'please dont let my mascara / makeup be getting wrecked'! Thankfully it was dark, and I dont know if H could see how emotional I was. Anyway the concert was really fantastic, so romantic and gorgeous.
I hadn't realised just how lonely H has been all these months. I guess I imagined that he was out partying hard living it up. He admitted he went alone to a concert a few months ago, cause he didn't have anyone to go with. And I think he asked me if I wanted to go to an ACDC (metal - rock) concert in a few months time, so that he wouldn't have to go by himself. I told him a few of the concerts and plays I'd been to and he said apart from that concert he went to by himself he hadn't really done anything else! It was very interesting, that he shared how lonely /crap his life actually is.
Anyway we had lots of fun happy light conversation on the ride to the concert, during the concert etc. I'm proud of myself for doing heaps of 180's - little things like not nervously grabbing the dashboard when he's driving! And not trying to analyse his thoughts and offer solutions. And letting him take the lead, make decisions (I really have to work on this one more though)
So after the concert we had a bit of a pash (is that an international term?) before we got in the car. I think I might have instigated that (naughty - must try to be more restrained!). So nice. And then when we actually got in the car it got a bit more hot and heavy. H started making cheeky comments about how we could go back to his place. He told me he had even tidied his flat hoping that I might come home with him! I think I just laughed and tried to move his hands back to more appropriate body areas!
So H drove me home. Unfortunately I cant remember the exact conversation but it went something like this..... H: "You know E I'm really sorry about somethings" E: "Mmm I know its alright" H: "I was pretty awful, I'm really sorry" E: "Its OK, I wasn't the perfect wife either" - I then attempt to lighten the conversation and make a few jokes - too difficult to explain here. We laugh. I think that the serious conversation is over... H: "You know I'm really sorry that I lied to you, I think about it and I cant believe I lied to you" mumble mumble about lying E: Mmmm H: "And I know I said some really awful things, I'm sorry about that too" E; Shrugs (desperately trying to think what to do - am I supposed to be validating, or easing his guilt?!? in the absence of any inspiration I just kept my mouth shut! H: "I love you" E: Smiles at H H: "I know I said that I never loved you, but it wasnt true (back story = as H was leaving he said a few times that he never loved me, and that I tricked him into marrying me!) H: "I cant really explain, I just really wanted to leave, I dont know why I said it, I'm sorry" (except not as coherent as that, but that was the general drift) H: "You know I'd really like to start dating you... it would be good to hang out more, would that be OK with you? E: Big pause (make him sweat!) I'd like that too H: "Cause I've been thinking that I'm not sure I really know you now, after everything that has happened. I was thinking about it today that if we are going to get back together we have to get to know each other again" E: (totally surprised that he has said that he thinks we might get back together) "Yeah I know, we've both been through a lot. We are the same people, but stronger and different" H: "Yeah cause I'm different now, and I don't want things to be the same. I still think about things every day" (something like that, I cant remember his exact words, but it sort of ended as a question, or I needed to give some sort of response) E: "Well I dont know". Pause. "I just want to have fun, I dont want any pressure. I like hanging out with you, but I just want to have fun" H: The relief in his eyes is visible!!! Rambles on about not wanting any pressure too, and how we've always been under pressure......
Yay! For all of you out there that have been told "I never loved you" take this as proof that they might not actually mean it
The line "I just want to have fun, I dont want any pressure" is straight from the BITCH book - and I highly recommend you slip it in there when you get the chance!
The whole conversation was a total 180 for me. I used to talk / analyse our R all the time. Must have been so tedious for H. Anyway he really led the conversation. There were clearly things he had pre-thought about that he wanted to tell me. For me not to jump in and take over the conversation was really different. I liked the new me!
Anyway I think we agreed that we would like to date each other. I made sure I played it very cool, nothing about a R, just about wanting to spend more time with each other. Followed by another long makeout session, and several suggestions from H that we could go back to his place for a bit of loving. I told him that I missed having sex with him. But left it at that. Not sure when I will be 'ready'... but I want him to invest more in our R before we start having sex again.
I was also aware in the conversation that H is still quite selfish... like he is the one that has made new changes and re-invented himself, and that I need to get to know him. And that he only wants to come back if it suits him. He's still not really thinking about me, and that there is a possibility that I might not like the new H (or the old H for that matter!). Sort of assuming that I'm just going to fall into his arms. I guess before I commit to him I need to see that he isn't only going to think about himself, but thats a long way down the track... Remember I just want to have fun, and no pressure!! ha ha!! (I need to keep reminding myself!). And boy he doesn't realise that I've learned the rules of the game, and I'm going to make him work hard now!! He doesn't know that he's playing with a DB-er!
Thank you for reading! I was thinking at the concert that this time 8 years ago I was engaged and probably stressing about what songs to use at the wedding. Little could I have realised that in 8 years time I would be watching Andrea Bocelli sing the same song live on a date with a H I'm separated from! Its a funny world!
Oh Essie Future Girl, I have tears in my eyes. I'm SO HAPPY that your H manned-up. All your patient waiting and reflection has paid off and you are totally a Babe In Total Control!!
I think you're totally right to focus on having fun and no pressure- perfect, and so pleased he felt relieved at your response. I'm also so happy that he thought about the date and took you to somewhere special and meaningful. Is that a change for him?
Oh, and YIPPPEEEEE for lots of pash! Love it!!
What next? Are you going to contact him or wait? A message to say you had a good time and thank him for arranging it perhaps?
I'm watching and waiting with baited breath, you success you!!
