Hi ITH! Welcome to my thread. I hope you have a fantastic weekend too. I don't have any upcoming plans with my H, but that's OK- we don't usually have plans in advance but I'm sure something will come up. I have to wait and see!
Ali- thanks for your thoughts about C and expressing my feelings. I really appreciate you caring enough to remember all those things about my family and my Mum, and me reading Emotional Intelligence. In addition to that reading, I've spoken to a couple of friends of mine, one of whom is a psychologist and one a C to get some third party feedback on whether they think I need C/am not expressive etc. I also asked my DB Coach.
It's not that I don't express my feelings. I do, I just do it for a short amount of time and then let it go. If I was to dwell on all the things that have gone on previously I'd end up getting really depressed, which is the opposite of where I want to be. All the conversations I've had have said that revisiting things I feel I've dealt with will only set me back. Life moves on. Yes, it's sad, but it's all happened and there's nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do is to accept it and live now, or look forwards....C is not for me, and unless I think it is it won't help me (this is from me, the two friends I spoke to and my reading).
In relation to sounding clinical and scientific, I didn't mean to, but I do think that's what detachment is about. Yes, it's annoying that H is seeing an aubergine, but I'm not supposed to focus on that (according to DB Coach), and I don't want to either. It's happening, but if I focus on it and get upset about it I won't be able to DB properly and I'll sink into a quagmire of 'why me?' thoughts (like when I saw that picture of him and her on FB). In fact, H seeing the aub isn't about me, it's about him, so my focus has to be on me, and on finding solutions that improve my interactions with H. I know that sounds hard, but it's how it has to be.
In relation to the DB Coach saying to add energy to the interactions with H, it was nothing to do with me expressing my feelings to him/being more real. I definitely never had a problem with expressing my feelings to him- I was very open with H and would express them freely to him (and really only him). Raising the energy was about making the interactions more playful and finding things we could mutually complain about, like the tube or council tax.....
Thankyou for thinking about my in such depth Al- I honestly really really appreciate it and am touched that you did so and challenged me on my thoughts. You're a great friend- thank you!
Oh, and good point about texting H- I won't do it!
