Hey Marcum, have a matching W to you with this. I bent over backwards for a long time trying not upset W but when found out about OM things changed didn't get mad but not bending anymore. Had the exact same reaction from W as you are getting on the car front, with the exact same request, its like a little temper tantrum if you don't do exactly what they want. Double check yourself now again and make sure what you ask is fair, if you know it is, ignore the little tantrums. Only so much smoothing you can do with completly loosing respect.
Hey WAWed, you've hit the nail on the head. For each of us, I believe that one of the lessons of DB is that we have value too and that at some place we are more valuable than the R. I always think to how would I react to someone who is clingy and needy? In the same vein, how would I react to someone who always gave in and never stood up for themselves? Sure, I want my way, but, at the same time, I know when I'm being unreasonable and so do our WASs. If we refuse to let them walk all over us, we regain some small bit of respect. Things may or may not turn out how we wish, but, we will regain some modicum of respect.
Another thing that helps me sometimes is to imagine W is about 15 because that's the way she behaves sometimes.
lol on the 15 year old part. she left the truck below empty and the center councel had cookie crumbs in it...almost pathetic. I dont have papers in front of me so I cant say anything but MAN i would love to see a sign somewhere. we seemed to make more movment when this all started. now she just seems to like and punish me and push me away.
sooooo once she makes the cell phone split its back to dark for m i guess.
Well she just had the mother of all meltdowns. We went to get the cell phones split and when it came to open her new line she was told she needed a 100.00 dollar deposit as she had such bad credit. She STAMPED her foot and started to cry and stated “ my credit is bad and its all YOUR fault!! This is so unfair I leave and id doesn’t affect you in the least. I’m hurting to make bills and you get off scott free!” I asked her what she wanted me to do to help and she stormed out side and drove off. She then called me 5 minutes later and vented how unfair this all is and she spent all of her life savings on our wedding and our bills and now she has nothing. She then told me she was going to come over and start taking stuff from the house. I told her take what she wants to which she replied I pitched a fit when she tried to take a coffee table. I had to remind her I talked very calm and just told her it was very unfair for her to take it and complain that she would have to buy one otherwise. I explained either I buy it or she does and I had to move it so I guess I was keeping it. She stated “ she you pitched a fit like a big baby!!”
I just responded W if you want it take it but I also would like some possessions and she replied that all I’m doing is making it hard for her and its not fair. So I told her I would do what she wants just tell me to which she replied
“ go get a 3000.00 loan and pay half of our credit card bills. That way MY credit will look better!”
I replied no W that wont work as you needed to show paying over time to make credit better. She then called me names and hung up. I called her back to see when we could get together to split the phones but she wont pick up now. Jees
Wow!! Actually, I would say that if you cock your head to the side and squint a little, her behavior is a fully qualified possibly positive sign. She certainly is not indifferent to you.
I imagine you acting like a mature responsible adult and not engaging with her is probably the best thing you could be doing and it probably leaves her feeling completely frustrated.
Let me just get it clear for my sake. Do you owe her money for the credit card bills? Are these expenses that she incurred during the marriage in which you are also responsible for? I'm only trying to think about why she's so frustrated. Obviously, being single isn't quite what she thought it would be. At least, not from a financial standpoint. But, she often brings money into the arguements. In fact, all of the recent arguements are about money and possessions. Seems like she can't complain about you anymore, so she has to complain about something.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
she had horriable credit before we were married. we lived together for 5 years before we were married. she was TOTALY incharge of the money, as I'm sure you all remember from diffrent posts. well now she claims I owe her for all of these back bills. Im WI theres a thing called a short term M clause were if your M for less then 5 years any dept you brought into the M is yours. SOOOOOO all the dept she incured befor 06 is hers and hers alone. I told her its also kind of unfair that all the cards are just in HER name.
I thought i had a good thing going with the phone thing today as well. I called her and told her I would check and see if I could just take my name as primary off the cell bill and let her keep a already established acount over. she said and I qoute
" thank you, im sorry.. well im not sorry, but i should not have blown up i was just so frustrated"
Good job Marcum. It has taken quite a while for me to get to a place where I can act like an adult. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have handled things as well as you have. So, keep up what you're doing.
well i guess im going dark for a while, at least untill her 2 months are up then i need to recontact to end the old account. Man i hate the fact that my reconnect will be a negative exp but she needs to make a move here and realise im not the root of all evil.
when she droppped the D bomb we were way closer and more civil then we are now. i hope this changes and we come together soon or her tantrums will finaly end what part of me is hanging on
