Just remember that if you reply and try to defend yourself you will lose. Express but dont defend your feelings. Be polite.
When it comes to arguing with a woman... when you lose, you lose, and when you win, you lose. Dont argue.
If you can get her over for a glass of wine - Listen. Dont try to fix. Let her know you are paying attention by paraphrasing. Ask her questions that encouarage her to tell you more.
Your wife is only going to come to a conclusion on her own as to if she wants to back out of the divorce. You should only be focused on your kids and your own happiness.
