But for some...there's too detached, not just in the "Idon'tgiveahoot" way......but also in the .... 'there's nothing I can do' to improve the situation way. It can blind you or stop you from solution detecting.
I struggle with this at this point. My H has just moved out after 16 plus months post bomb. His decision, I gave him no ultimatum even knowing about a co-worker OW.
I do "giveahoot" so I'm not too detached that way.
But I feel like "there's nothing I can do to improve the situation" except to let go. Still standing for my marriage in that I don't plan on dating right now and I'd be open to reconciling if H showed an interest, but I need to let go (i.e., detach). H shows no interest in reconciling (of course he did just move out), and has no tried one iota to work on our M, ever, pre-bomb, post-bomb, ever. He told me over and over for 16+ months how confused he was, but would never do anything constructive for our M, or for himself.
So I feel like I can't do anything to improve things for our M right now. I can work on me, as I have been. I can find my own inner happiness. I can make sure that I don't do things to make the situation worse (beg, plead, cry in front of him, show him my anger, etc.). The only solution I see is to live my life with my focus on me and my children (H remains very devoted to the kids) and at some point down the line if there is no change I will want to start dating, or H may come back and I decide I don't want him after all, or H may come back and I do still want to rebuild a better M.
What my H does is so totally out of my control and I accept that right now. Now that he is gone, I don't even have the chance to get out a coffee cup for him in the am even though he stopped getting one out for me when he gets up first, because he isn't here anymore. All I can do is as bworl says,
Quote:
heal ourselves, improve ourselves, regain our lost confidence, and commit ourselves to being people of integrity.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
