Detaching

[sgctxok]

continuing the detachment discussion here so as not to hijack frank's thread


from bworl

I would submit that "faking it till you make it" is often what we have to do to eventually get to detachment.

And I'll take issue with the thought that it's not that big a deal.

There are too many people on this board who unwittingly sabatoge their situations because they are NOT detached enough from their spouses actions.

When we take everything too personally, when we believe that everything they do relates to our chances for the future...well, that's a bad state to be in. It's makes our lives full of anxiety and puts us on the same rollercoaster the wandering spouse is on.

Detachment, to me, is about acknowledging that my spouses actions are NOT in my control. It's about realizing that whether or not I offered them milk for their coffee does NOT figure largely in whether or not they will come back one day.

Most of all, it's a state of freedom for the left behind spouse. It untethers us from our spouses seeming insanity, leaving us free to live our life in relative peace, at least when they are not directly interacting with us. And in that peace, we find the ability to do the things that might really save the situation - heal ourselves, improve ourselves, regain our lost confidence, and commit ourselves to being people of integrity.


Blessings,

Bill
_________________________

Great point. And it's obviously needed in lots of situations.

But for some...there's too detached, not just in the "Idon'tgiveahoot" way......but also in the .... 'there's nothing I can do' to improve the situation way. It can blind you or stop you from solution detecting.