As colder nights harden, their moonlit delights

[AliSuddenly]

Lisa...ok, thanks!

Its just that when you say "I feel about the interactions with H as I do when I try and experiment and get a good result. It doesn't mean I stop the experiment- means I try the experiment again and increase my confidence in it."..it all sounds a bit... clinical? Intellectualised? Reasoned?

Wheres the feeling? The emotion? I've never heard you express real hurt/rage/fear/grief over the fact your H has been seeing someone else for a year. I'm sorry if I sound like I am pushing you a bit here, but its the same as the C thing.. you said you were reading a book to see if it would help you, but its not about taking in information?

Some of the things you say to him and ways you react to him... I'm just wondering if there is a clue in here somewhere as to one aspect of why you guys are still apart. Your DB coach even said to you to try being more real didnt she, or is that what she meant? To throw a bit more energy/feeling at him?

I suppose I am picking up over these months that you dont appear to be very in touch with your emotions as such, they are very rationalised and controlled. This talk of experiments and results. Wheres the pain ??? Wheres the tears??? I'm not saying its wrong, I'm just saying, things between you and your H seem measured, polite. And you seem to be operating somewhere above your centre, in your head? Or maybe I am reading it wrong from here, which is entirely possible!!

I'm remembering things you said about your family and how you never felt able to express your emotions around 4 (5?) brothers and your Dad, after you had sadly lost your Mum. And I guess we all wear masks in order to survive our families - mine is humour. I'm trying to think of something that might help your sitch?

But maybe really getting in touch with your emotions is the key to this somewhere and where the real pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is for you.

Oh and IMHO... I wouldnt text him at the weekend, I'd give him chance to miss you!!?

Ali xxx