I am impressed Frank. It sounds like you are a lot like the guy I have worked for over the last 20 years with. He can talk with us engineers as well as the non-techy execs brokering big deals. Dealing with managing sales people is the worst as we never keep them around for more than a few years. Four of us engineers have been together for 20 years.
I am mostly focused on the drivers for real time fax over IP but have done fax drivers for other types of hardware along with things like printer drivers. I am known as FaxGod and I should have used that (or Dirtman) as my sign up name here.
My STBXW knows little of what I do for putting bacon on the table. The only encouragement I got was her saying that if my company ever got bought out and I got the multi-million payout that she would have sex with me ever day. Gold digger tramp.
I would submit that "faking it till you make it" is often what we have to do to eventually get to detachment.
And I'll take issue with the thought that it's not that big a deal.
There are too many people on this board who unwittingly sabatoge their situations because they are NOT detached enough from their spouses actions.
When we take everything too personally, when we believe that everything they do relates to our chances for the future...well, that's a bad state to be in. It's makes our lives full of anxiety and puts us on the same rollercoaster the wandering spouse is on.
Detachment, to me, is about acknowledging that my spouses actions are NOT in my control. It's about realizing that whether or not I offered them milk for their coffee does NOT figure largely in whether or not they will come back one day.
Most of all, it's a state of freedom for the left behind spouse. It untethers us from our spouses seeming insanity, leaving us free to live our life in relative peace, at least when they are not directly interacting with us. And in that peace, we find the ability to do the things that might really save the situation - heal ourselves, improve ourselves, regain our lost confidence, and commit ourselves to being people of integrity.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
One other thing that helped me is to take down all the pictures of W. However, W tells me that OM still has pictures of his ex-wives hanging in his house. But he is a little strange in that he gets is toenails and fingernails painted. She is trying to be like him because she still has her IM display picture as both of us together. I changed mine to Hello Kitty holding an AK47.
Well W is still respecting my rules. She just called and asked me in a nervous way if it was 'all right if she came by around 6:30 to check her e-mail. I said 'sure it is' and asked her when I should come back to the house. (My rule is I do not want to see her so I leave before she comes over)
She said she'd only need 1/2 hour if that was ok. I said she can have as much time as she wants, I want her to spend time with the girls.
She still said she'd probably only be 1/2 hour but an hour might be nice. I told her I'd be gone 2 hours.
I was nice and pleasant, but that's it.
As AmyC said a long time ago "When is someone going to be afraid they might lose Frank?"
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Frank, I just spent an hour catching up with your life. I'm sorry that things have taken a turn for the worse for you.
That being said, I think you did the right thing in asking her to leave and you seem 100% better since you did. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.
There isn't much to say that hasn't already been said about you putting the focus back on yourself. You need to find your center again so that you can more forward with your life.
I can very much relate to the financial troubles you are going through. I went through financial hell before the bomb. It is the root of everything my W and I are going though in my mind.
Having come out the other side of a financial mess. I want to tell you that a house is just a house. If selling it or selling the prius gets you out of the hole you are in, then do it. there is no shame in it and it is honestly indiscribable how much of a weight is lifted from your shoulders when the debt is gone. If you put yourself in a position where you have to work at 110% just to live you will end up resenting everything. I am almost 3 years form my financial melt down and I am very nearly completely debt free. I look back at the stress, anxiety, sleeplessness ect. that I went through and I will never do it again. Trust me, it's not worth it.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
