Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

TD, You have become an absolute godsend to me. I thankyou again for your support.
Well, I am at home now, youngest in bed, eldest out at a friend, and W at sisters.
I have really really worked hard the last couple of days to avoid the same old traps and pitfalls. It has, as we all know, been incredibly hard, but I have just been going with the flow, validating, listening etc. Virtually no mention of OM from her, and nothing from me on the subject. I think perhaps by trying to explain to her in the email and in a short subsequent conversation, she has grasped that it is unacceptable to bombard me with info on this guy. I think the final straw was when she started discussing whether or not they were compatible as zodiac signs. I did not react at the time, but felt that through the email, I had to make it clear that I wasn't a doormat, and that I didn't want to hear it any more. Maybe it did have some resonance, as in past few days she has not brought him up, and I certainly have not either. Walking around my neighbourhood, I have been reminiscing about the past, our old apartment, parents house etc. There's such a lot of history there over 20 years. I have really been struggling with the idea that I should try to accept that she is really done, and I am only prolonging my pain by fighting against the situation. But I know that everyone will say that if it is worth fighting for, then I should keep on. In any case, pretty much all convos that we have had have been light and about the future of our family. She will allow me to come home, and says that she wont go to her sisters, if I can learn to live with the fact that it's over, and to just interact positively for the boys. I have listened, agreed, and validated, ana am actually just a little proud of myself for keeping control and for acting "as if", and not letting her extreme coldness to emotionally destroy me (at least not in her presence). I appreciate that I am so much more lucky than many of the people here, in as much that I still have contact with boys and her. She is a good person, and I am sure that anyone reading that extract from her email can see that. When I read it, it looks to me that she really is genuinely over with us,but is dedicated to the welfare of her children. I don't know whether that makes it easier or harder.

One strange thing today though. I went to pick up kids from Om's wife's house, and met her and briefly had a chat about our situations. She has no idea about her H and my wife, and because of the kids, and also the words from my wife that if I ever mentioned it, then it would destroy so many lives. I also think that right now, there is little to be gained by exposure of the situation to her. It would certainly destroy any last vestiges of hope for reconcilliation with W. She also said that her H (OM) was returning to family home this week. I feel she is deluded, and I felt sorry for her, but could not bring myself to give her anything further.
I did however recommend most strongly that she get the DR book.
I have been focusing on boys, and that's been good.

Gotta hang on and keep at it.

Sorry about the rant............