Trixi and His Highness

[NikB]

In the past two weeks, I have specifically said that I am losing patience and understanding; that my next "move" is back into the house; that he's about to lose his crown; that I looked into moving out of state; that he is living on borrowed time with regard to this situation continuing...I have implied that he is on the verge of pushing me away to the point of me giving up.

I'm hoping the guys will chime in (Dom and Max, I'm sure you will!). But at least from my perspective.. yes you've SAID these things, but your actions haven't shown them at all. Your actions have continued to reinforce the "always here, always available, please give me some scraps of affection."

You've chirped, but you haven't fluffed your tail and I think that's causing your chirping to lose any credibility.

Dom said it best in your last thread:

He's still in "you should be grateful that you have me" mode.
And you're accepting that.

I think he is just going to keep doing this for as long as I let him.

Probably.

So, how long will I let him? Good question. I don't know; we have a really good time together...Honestly, my problem is that I am scared to hear the answer if I say it's time to make up his mind.

Here's what you aren't getting - continuing to let him is NOT the same as telling him it's time to make up his mind.

Take ACTION and see what happens.

Be a lot less available. ONLY be available when he earns it. Play harder to get.

I started to type my suggested ACTIONS and realized I already did it in your last thread, so I'm going to save myself some typing and copy/paste it over. So it'll look a little familiar but I'm being lazy.

I KNOW you're not ready to issue an "ultimatem" or break up with H. But, I don't think that's your only option at this point. Let's think about it - what COULD you do differently that might improve the R?

Some 180 ideas (hopefully some of the guys will chime in and give their 2 cents on what might be best):

- No R talks, or at least not constant R talks.
- Be LESS available. That doesn't mean go dark or dim, but be BUSY sometimes. Have plans that don't involve him a lot more often than you do. I know you like to spend a lot of time at home so this might be a bit tougher for you. If you have to, SCHEDULE time when you are dedicated to your glass work. If he wants to do something at that time, sorry, you're busy.

I'm not saying turn down every invite. Try turning down, say, 50% of his invites.. and do your best to accept the ones that don't come off as some sort of pitiful "I guess we can get together" ones either.

- DO NOT figure out what the two of you will do next time he offers to "hang out." Make a goal of say, a month, or 2 months, where HE has to figure it out. Make him do the work. If you see something you want to do, don't invite HIM as your first reaction. Find someone else who might enjoy going with you.

What do you think? Maybe make a 1 month goal of turning down 50% of his half-a$$ed invites, and not making the plans yourself? Sound do-able? I think it just might get you a different reaction from him.