TD - did you mind you w not taking your name? How did it make you feel?
She took it legally but kept her name in all her business dealings. Over the next 5-6 years she converted to a yphenated version and finally just used my last name with her maiden as a middle initial. It has been a while, but I remember feeling a little hurt (it wasn't a major issue). When she explained it was for name recognition, I believe I asked her how long she planned on going on like....surely at some point they will figure out you have married.
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I think now the difference is that I have realised that things can't stay the same and just demanding stuff without stating reasons isn't a great way to go about things. Also, that drive helps me to not give up and to carry on with this challenge, so it has its positive side.
Presentation is everything. Guys in general will do almost anything for the woman they love. The difference is in how that want is communicated. If it comes across as a demand then it will likely still get done there will just be resentment. If it comes across as "us doing a favor for you and it is appreciated" then we will do these until we are exhausted. There is a lot to be said about "asking" and not "telling". When I was an officer in the CG I always made a point to ask the people that work in my divion to do things even though I could have technically just ordered them to do so. Had a big impact on morale
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
That is really helpful to know TD, and very enlightening. Funnily enough I am really aware of softening my speech in my general life it was just my h I didn't take so much care. I am the queen of 'would you mind possibly' and 'I hope it is ok but it would really help me if...'
Funny how it is the ones we love that we take the least care over once you get established. What I mean to say is you take words for granted, of course I would have done anything for him to 'care' for him, you just don't realise that words have such an impact.
Seriously I think it should be compulsory that when we get married we get a man/ woman instruction manual I suppose they say the same for kids too lol!
Don't you hate it when the DB sessions end? (even if they can be painful)
Do you have some sort of deadline on the finances? If not, then it does seem like a good idea to let him initiate the contact on this.
I'm glad to hear that it somehow reduces your anxiety to not contact your H. This can only be a good thing :).
Just wondering, I see in your signature that your H said he didn't want to try anymore in May. Has he softened since then? Have you had conversations or done things that show you that maybe he is willing to try? Your last meeting sounded positive, and I know that you are making progress from reading your threads, would just love to hear a little bit more about how you think things are going.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
The second bomb in May was the direct result of me pursuing and putting too much pressure on my h. He just couldn't take anymore from me, to be honest I wasn't that bad it was just the situation was so delicate and precarious I pushed him too far without intending to.
He is slowly softening to me by me making things 'safe' and backing off big time. It has been so much healthier for me as it has given me space to recuperate and has eased my anxiety hugely and it has given him the much needed space he has been craving.
I am making progress I would say, it is just really really slow but to be honest I think that is the best way. He needs time to find himself and I am learning so much about me too that I hope that we can make it and be stronger than ever but if we don't I know I will be stronger than ever too. It goes against everything that common sense and my heart told me but my h made it clear when he said to me 'I can't do this anymore'. Well, we aren't and slowly things are improving.
Well, my darkness and space has paid off, I just got a text from my h. The thing I am most pleased about is that I have been really detached for 98% of the time. I have just told myself that he is busy at work instead of imagining all sorts and sure enough the text said.
'Hi. I'm really sorry I haven't got back to you with arrangements. I've been covering for (his boss) again this week and i've hardly stopped. Sorry. Do you fancy meeting up after work on Wednesday? Hope your day in the garden went well.'
As a reply I was thinking
'No worries, yes Wednesday is fine. Where would you like to meet? Have fun at your driving day on Saturday.'
I suppose they say the same for kids too lol!