No...Last night did not go well at all... My D10 cried and sobbed so bad it was heartwrenching..... I tried to not cry..had a few tears go down my cheek thats all. He gave me a hug good bye and I told him to be happy...just didnt have the guts to use the word goodbye.
My daughter even told him it upset her that he would be tucking her son into bed every night..she has a 10 y/o son also....
how he can really do this is breaking my heart.
Im not as confident as you all that time is on my side.... he came home yet couldnt stand to be away from her..... he gave it no time..even though i told him this would take time. And he lied to me the entire time..I love you...never loved her.... dont even think about her...dont know what I did that for ...bla bla
All lies. I have an appt today with the counselor.. last week we were together...poor lady is gonna be so confused.
I just wish these tears would stop flowing.....
Thanks guys... I appreciate the advise ..especially seeing it from both sides of the relationship.
well I am proud to say I made it through the first part of the morning w/o texting him....
he has a commute and i have always said good morning..... giving that up.... i have to....i am not the chosen one.
i am trying to make it hour by hour with no contact.... that is how hard this is.... 19 years together...gone down the drain.... such a lonely feeling.
As much as this has hurt me... It is sick that I still want him back...it makes no sense to me.... I should hate him..yet I cant
Good job, san. I know this is intensely painful for you, but I do think that the longer you can do that, the greater the chance he may pull back towards you at some point.
Reading your sitch, I do think your husband's feelings for you for the past few weeks WERE genuine . . . I just think he's WEAK.
But why would he leave again...why is he drawn to her... everything was wonderful...
He looked into my eyes and said i love you... he held me in his arms everynight ..... How can he go back to her.... His sister called him and he told her to F off and hung up on her..he told her he loved OW.
He is giving up his family for her...
I did just find out that at this age his father had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized for a short while.. and when he came out he had a strong faith in God and his life is good... he divorced my hubbys mom and left three kids earlier in his life.. that is part of why my FIL is having such a rough time with this..he knows the regrets.... I just dont know if my hubby is having a MLC that caused this...I just dont know anything anymore.
I'm sorry you're having to go thru all this Sandy, just know that what everyone is telling you is true.
Here are a couple of quotes from 'Not Just Friends';
-People compare & confuse the intensity of being "in love" during an affair with the secure, comfortable feeling of reality-based "loving" that occurs in long-term relationships.
-The feeling of being "in love" is linked to Stage l idealization, passion & infatuation.
-True love, which you grow into, is characterized by acceptance, understanding, & compassion. That is why so few people end up marrying their affair partner, & those who do have an extremely high probability of divorce.
He won't see the A for what it is until the high wears off a bit, so time is on your side.
Statistics are on your side too, I read that "of 4,100 men surveyed, 85 percent who cheated on their wives stayed in their marriages. Only 3 percent ended up marrying their illicit lovers."
They all lie when having an A, so you can't take his word for not loving you now either.
The infatuation WILL wear off and you can bet your bottom dollar OW's son will really start to play up and annoy your H as wel....and when that happens that can only help. OW will side with her child and your H will compare her son in an unfavourable way to your children - blood IS thicker than water.
You just need to get through this awful painful stage. Look at my time line....it took a fair while.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
My D10 just got off the phone..he told her we always talked of divorce and only stayed together for the kids..so not true...
yes we have thrown in out in the heat of the moment but only one time did we majorly discuss it..we both said we loved each other too much and could never do it...
i texted him this:
Now who is telling lies...just to justify your actions. we did not fake our marriage for the kids.. i remember our one major divorce talk..we concluded we could not do it because we loved each other. we both failed to communicate.. and you chose to cheat instead of fight for us..dont tell our kids we were never happy..that is crap..these kids will hate **OW** you turned to her insteadof me.you are an amazing actor all the things you have said and our intimacy..unreal..i truely hope she makes you happy..just remember to communicate.
here is what he said..
Nice... you have to get these kids in the middle(I DIDNT>>HE DID) whether you want to see it or not Sandy, had you taken care of your man he never would have to look out side the box..weeks upon weeks of no intimacy and telling me im last on the list for anything had a part to play
Here is what i said I know that.. you put her in the middle by saying that.. maybe i didnt know how to open up..i have learned alotand i tried to show you .. i was even brave enough to say i needed more from you ..remeber me telling you all these years i need more attention from you outside of the bedroom..it goes both ways but i was not trying to put blame on you..just change my mistakes..i was willing once i knew.. and it was before i knew about OW..i changed because of my deep love for you..i am sorry it is too late..my heart is breaking..you are my world and it is shattered..i am sorry i let you down as a wife.. i thought we were good.. i tried to take on all the responsibilities to make it ewasier for you. tried to bring in money for our family..i know i said i put you on the bottom.. in my heart i never did.. i will be forever sorry.. i love you
Neither of you should be discussing the "reasons" of this with your kids... period.
It is an adult situation that kids simply can not comprehend. http://www.uptoparents.org will help explain. I suggest you forward the link to your H as it will put you both on the same page.
Keep the kids out of it. Answer their questions, NEVER degrade their father and he NEEDS to do the same. This isn't a contest, you both are responsible for raising them, put the A / OW issue to rest when the kids are present. Simply love them and support them as their parents, it is what they truely crave.
