aiming for a new me 11

[MidwesternGirl]

dar:

The pastor gave a sermon on this very thing a few weeks ago.

This is where faith comes in. You have to have faith. God does not do things where we can always see it. He does many things behind the scenes. It all takes lots of time. Prayer does not always mean instant results. It takes time and lots of patience as well as faith.

[Maya44]

I have been repeating prayers for H that are directly from the Power of a Praying Wife book, and I'm also talking to God in my own words. I just don't see/feel much happening with H and according to today's posts it doesn't sounds like many see much improvement either.

[glamgirl]

Dar is takes faith and belief that God is anwering your prayers. He may not answer what you want but he will answer for what is right.

For example, my friend was praying for a way to workout. She had no additional money to pay for a gym nor did she really want to walk alone in the neighborhood. She kept praying.

Weeks later, a neighbor knocked on her door and said I need to get rid of this working treadmill would you like to have it for free.

My friend knew her prayer was answered. This is just one of many.

For example, you could ask God to soften your h's heart towards you. Pray that every day a few times a day and watch and listen.

Maybe then your h might call out of the blue or bring something over to give to you or provide a little extra money. You have to look and listen for the answer. It might just be in kind words towards you.

I hope this helps Dar.

[glamgirl]

I am not sure what you are praying, but Steelers is right God works behind the scenes too. My personal opinion, I think you don't see improvement or movement from you h because you have expectations.

Let go of the expectations and be a friend from a distance. Expect nothing when you give from your heart. Give not to recieve but because it comes from the kindness of your heart.

For example, maybe after your h does something nice. Re-enforce that positive behavior by sending a nice e-mail on how thoughtful he was etc.

This must be repeated over and over until it becomes a part of who you are, not to get a response from your h, but because you are simply thanking him for a nice gesture on his part.

Then sit back and watch for months and see what unfolds. It's being a friend and not someone that is questioning what he is doing or giving him suggestions or anything like that.

Let him be who he is right now and except him for who he is!

[glamgirl]

Dar it's easy to give wordly advice and much harder to stand for your m with God leading you.

This will take time and effort on your part. Ask yourself is your m worth fighting for? Would you want your h to fight for you, if you were lost in a fog and confused somewhere?

Start today Dar by doing a 180, have NO expecatation for your h and allow your heart to direct you. Get rid of the negative thoughts and dissappointments about your h. See the good in him today and run with that. Fill your mind with his good qualities and let go of the bad feelings.

[MidwesternGirl]

Also, be kind, always. It is the little things that add up in addition to praying.

It took me a long time not to get angry or say something about who he was with to zipping the lips.

And when he did something, I would acknowledge by saying thank you or doing something nice like inviting him to eat with us--all of us sitting as a family.

I am not one to beg for his help and so many times when something went wrong with the car, or something in the house (afterall, that is what he did in his job!), he would offer to repair or have it fixed.

[Maya44]

I feel I have been kind though for a long time. And very understanding. He just won't let me in for some reason. I just wish he'd stay with our lunch and have finally talked to me for even 5 min so I know what's in his head. He did tell me the other night that he's not sleeping well at all, but it's because of his dad.

[MidwesternGirl]

Sometimes there is progress and it is the little things. Others who are not as close to your situation can see this as you are directly involved.

I bet if you were to make out a list of what he was like/what he was saying a few years ago and compare it with today--you will notice differences.

[glamgirl]

Dar it has taking me a long time to zip my lips. I try my hardest not to say anything when h doesn't meet my expectations.

For example, when h didn't call or show up for the July 4th parade that he had promised the kids. I tried not to let it bother me. I simply called him once and said hey h where are you. The parade has started and we went on ahead. Give us a call when you can.

Later my h called and said sorry he had overslept. The old glam would have read him the riot act. Now I just try to be supportive.

Do you have any ideas Dar on how YOU could change your interactions?

[Maya44]

I definately notice a lot of differences in H now than when he first left. And most for the better for sure! I guess maybe I'm asking for too much and am feeling squeezed since Tues will be the 2 year mark.