Yesterday was our 23rd Anniversary, and for this year, I decided to make it an all-week event, rather than calling the florist and sending the 'obligatory' flowers on the appropriate day. Sure, those would have been appreciated, but after 23 years, it's, well, [yawn] predictable and not as romantic as it could be. So here's what I did:
Monday: I sent her a cute Hallmark ecard (I prefer the music and animation to a traditional card).
Tuesday: I *intended* to get her a pair of roses from the corner store, which carries flowers to attract romantic impulse-buys from the husbands getting milk or something on the way home from work. However, they only had one rose, and it was pretty pitiful looking. So I got her a 'grab-bag' of her favorite candies instead.
Wednesday: An (overpriced ) Vermont Teddy Bear arrives for her, which is a 'male' match to the 'female' bear that I got her for Valentine's Day 2007 (when we were separated). Now she has the reunited pair -- a bit of symbolism.
Thursday (A-DAY!): I worked from home and watched the kids while I sent her off for a 1-hour massage session at a local spa. I had wanted to pamper her with a facial too, but they couldn't work it in. Meh, she still enjoyed the massage, and it's something she would *never* pamper herself with.
Friday: Our night out, with the baby-sitters already lined up.
And what did I get?
Yesterday evening I found a tasteful little heart-shaped box on my side of the bed, which contained a little book of Shakespearian quotes and several individually wrapped notes (like candy). Each note has a Shakespearian sonnet on one side, and a related romantic IOU type "favor" on the other. I was encouraged to open one 'favor' last night. It was...blissful (and fun). Now I'm like a kid after Halloween. Will I ration myself and make the 'candy' last until Thanksgiving? Or will I burn through it all far too quickly? (I'm smart enough to choose the conservative approach).
This is a HUGE step for her, and one that I truly appreciate. After all the years where the thought of romance and sex evoked reactions of anxiety, pressure, or obligation on her part, to see her now be able to treat it as something fun and playful is absolutely wonderful. The amount of trust in me, in US as a romantic couple, that that little box represents is pretty phenomenal.
Very sweet, after a somewhat frustrating summer.
-- B.
Last edited by Bagheera; 08/22/0805:00 PM.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
And I, as I sit here on my pitypot, say to myself ... "Gee, I should copy and paste Bagheera's post to his camper."
If you're in dire need to know where my emotions are running today, visit TwinDad's thead "In a thread called 'Busted'" -- like you really need to read all that. LOL
poet P.S. Good job and what a wonderful way to celebrate the big day. Too bad all men can't think like that.
P.S. Good job and what a wonderful way to celebrate the big day. Too bad all men can't think like that.
It only took me 23 years to finally get a clue, Poet. There has even been the completely forgotten Anniversary in my past (a capital felony, I think).
My daughter's current BF flies loops around my stilted romantic moves -- he's always coming up with some gift(s) or sappy gesture that just has my daughter (and her mother) cooing with admiration every time. I should take lessons from the young whelp.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
Yesterday was our 23rd Anniversary, and for this year, I decided to make it an all-week event, rather than calling the florist and sending the 'obligatory' flowers on the appropriate day.
My Hat is off to you. God bless you and your Wife with many more. ~Ali
Hey serial anniversaries! Mine's coming up October 25th.
B - You really have put so much work into your marriage to get where you are today. I'm so glad to see you realizing happiness like this in your marriage. Congratulations to you and your wife and I wish you many more happy years together.
After the very nice anniversary week (last week), it was probably predictable that we've have a lull or dip this week. My wife and I have one notable role-reversal from that described in John Gray's M/V books, in that I tend to be the one that craves frequent connection (particularly physical, both non-sexual and sexual), while my wife tends to be the one who "rubber band's": pulling away for a time, and then coming back. So following the high level of connection and intimacy last week, I'm not surprised that this week she needed to pull away and distance herself again, both emotionally and physically.
I may 'get it' now, but I still don't like it, especially when it occurs while I'm on a nice 'afterglow' high from the previous week. What lovemaking we did attempt this week fell completely flat, which just makes me feel worse and more disconnected.
So, on the advice of our counselor, I'm giving her some space for a few days, and doing some GALing for myself. In particular, I need to break out of my 'lone wolf' habits and seek out new friends and more frequent interactions with existing ones. It's advice I should have given myself really: stop making my wife my one and only best friend -- which puts all the pressure on her to provide me with the connections that I crave -- and start letting some other folks into my life as best friends too. And yeah, before someone mentions it: this is a typical "Nice Guy" symptom, this 'lone wolf' tendency of mine.
Time to push myself out of the 'comfort zone' more and, like, talk to strangers and stuff....
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
Thanks for the update. I always read what you have to say even though I don't always reply. Sometimes, I'm just so far removed from any "intimacy" issues that it hurts. I guess it's just as well I don't talk too much. But, I recently lost my most treasured adviser on these boards. I know you don't like the "nonsexual" threads, but would you mind jumping over to my thread (linked under my signature) and seeing if there is something/anything there that you could comment on? I would really appreciate it. I have some people reading and commenting to me now that I don't know and, well frankly, I'm unsure of their intentions.
) Vermont Teddy Bear arrives for her, which is a 'male' match to the 'female' bear that I got her for Valentine's Day 2007 (when we were separated). Now she has the reunited pair -- a bit of symbolism.
