Good idea Jen. I'll save the chuck norris a$$ woopin for later ...lol I'm just teasing you.
Take some time for yourself Jen, you definetly need to figure out how to forgive, both yourself and him, before you can have a successful R with your XH. It's going to take some time to figure it out though. Talk to your C about it, etc. It's time to do some serious work on yourself.
(((((Jen)))))
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love - for yourself. I am working on myself as well. Detaching is all about acceptance, the situation, your S, and yourself. Stop judging people and yourself it takes too much energy and is harmful too you. Don't withdraw unless you are resting. Posting is good for me to express my feelings, thoughts and fears. Acknowledging and confronting our fears takes the power away from them. I think that's why SC has such a following she's confronting her fears. The key to DBing is taking care of yourself. Take a stand for Jen. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Wow! Well, on the one hand it hurts to get to this point. On the other hand, it is a necessary step.
I think that you really do need to start with you. I think you've been focusing on you xH, maybe hiding from yourself, perhaps. So, now it is time to stop that. Go ahead and pull back from him a bit, if you need to, to concentrate on yourself. Learn about yourself, and learn to understand yourself. You really have an opportunity here, in my opinion. Your xH still loves you. He is giving you the time you need to take care of yourself. So, it's time to hop to it! No more worrying about what he is doing, that will take care of itself. Let's be concerned about what Jen is doing. How she feels about herself. How she feels about others. What she wants from life.
The general consensus is that I need to put the focus on me but I've been centering on XH. I just ordered the 3 session package of telephone coaching and I really think it'll help me get a new perspective. My IC is great but he speaks little English so this telephone thing will be great to get to talk to someone in my native language.
I know he still loves me and cares about me but if I continue on this self destructive path it won't be for long. Its time to show with actions not words.
Thanks
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Do you think that the stress of living in a foreign country could contribute to your feelings about yourself? You are always an outsider there. Having done that, I know it has some influence on how you feel.
Hi Jeff, in the very beginning I think it did affect me greatly. Now not so much. I don't feel like an outsider much and nobody has even implied it. Of course there are times when the cultural differences stand out.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I really can't add any more than the wonderful people here already have. You definitely need to focus on yourself right now in order to find the strength to truly forgive and let go of the wrongs done both by your XH and you.
I just wanted to give you a huge hug Jen. You are going to be just fine sweetie.
Take care.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hi Lola...that sounds like a great idea. I need to find some time for me to do that.
He just called about picking D up and was so kind and sweet. I've hurt him so much and he keeps coming back kind and considerate.
(((Jen))) Did you tell him that?
I know that I would melt if my W told me something like that. It wouldn't necessarily make everything OK right then, but, it would reset things close to where they were and that along with really letting go of the OAI etc., would for me pretty much put things back on track.
...lol I'm just teasing you.