I feel a mix of emotions and at the same time I feel emotional constipation. I need to get them out in a healthy way. I dont need him to fix me... I just have not felt his way before. I do this and I do that and it doesnt help. The feeling is there... it literally feels stuck in the middle of my chest. I have had anxiety attacks, depression and this is quite different. It feels like I need them to come out{ FEELINGS< anger , resentment} or I am going to die. I am fine really. Calmer than I have been in a very long time and at the same time I feel this clearly and it sucks.
Also when we were ML last nite I felt like my heart wasnt in it and he knew it ... I want something from him too. a hard penis just doesnt convey I love you. Touch my back , make some sort of noise to let me know you are alive.
I know I cannot have him give me the reflected sense of self I used to search for.
I just want to feel him... :rolleyes:
It felt so mechanical... I also was being irrational and his Covered { half ass} Tattoo.
{ under the eagle is her name ********* right above his heart , left hand side of his chest} I looked at it and though I would be sick. I was with him 10 years and what did I get? She was with him for 4 weeks and she gets a [censored] banner on his chest? bang head, roll eye, angry, cry, { sucks to feel all those emotions at at the same time BTW~} { what is wrong with me? } : eye roll:
I really , really am above that. Or at least I thought I was? :shock: But does he know I am HUMAN? I just wanted to punch him and at the same time I felt nothing.
This is not good... I am scared I don't have it in me anymore to fight for him to let me in. I know he loves me but I am exhausted.
You are right FIB~ sex on the back burner, if he would put into it a sensE of he was "reaching out to me?" better~ It just feels like he needs release? I dunno even what I feel right now. I just know he needs to step up to the plate... cause I feel so close to just throwing in the towel. Accepting this is who he is ...
I know Cinco. I promised I would give him time and I will. I just feel too much right now and at the same time I feel nothing.
I am confusing myself. I AM POSTING LIKE A HYSTERICAL WOMAN. I am going to take a shower and see if I feel better.
