I'm back after a long absence

[123snap]

last night we talked about how we are interacting, he feels like he is being watched for some sign or change all the time, I feel like I am hovering about not sure what to do or say. He said you need to relax. I KNOW I am nervous all the time, what do I do to relax, I am not good at setting stuff aside and not worrying. I guess I need to get a life in a big way. after vacation next week I will be back in school so that will take my mind off what is going on, and I have 3 books to read while on vacation so that should help there.

I have to remember that this is either going to happen or not, I cannot force it and I cannot make it happen by what I say or do, except I can drive us both crazy and push him away with actions and words, I have to get out the best me and put it on and leave it there, stop guessing. Take care of me and the kids.

Maybe even a little distance would help, from me, not space, just quietness. I need to let go and let it happen. By nature I am not a clingy type, I bop around and do my own thing, that is what I need to do now.

I have to get my head together, may take a lot of writing today