A thread called "Busted"

[TwinDad]

And I cannot see him while I am so wrapped-up with how to deal with my own emotions, at this point.

Then this is a reason to go dark.....know your limitations.....find yourself and find your strength.

I want to get out of this with dignity!

Picture what that is and set your goals around that. Dignity is different for different people.

I read in a book yesterday that the WAS is ALWAYS at least a year ahead of us in dealing with their issues of separation and divorce, which leaves us hanging in the shadows EMOTIONALLY.

This is a very good assessment. Most LBS are in shock and in catch up mode. That is where PMA and acting "as-if" really come in.....they allow you to "fake-it" till you "make-it". It is also where dim/dark and sep help in that you don't have to "fake-it" 24/7, you get a break to let your emotions out until you can catch up.

Don't be concerned about the time at this point....just work on you. You can't put a time limit on this but you can evaluate your progress from time to time. Until you get your feet under you, your effectiveness will likely be limited. In my sitch my W and I would go back and forth about having a third. She would always ask be "when" I would feel differently. This was an impossible question to answer. Also I feel setting these time limits just puts too much pressure that detracts from the real work.

I understand why you can be scared (these things are)....but what are you truly afraid of? Where is the fear coming from?