Healing my Heart 4

[Rob1231]

Hi TAL, I hope H is doing better soon. When it rains, it pours, huh? Hang in there!

Rob, To answer you, your right. I am being held hostage by me, by myself. Ya know i've been with him since I was 17 years old. We've been together so long its all I know. I think once S5 starts kindergarten, Im going to go to C for myself, I think I think some extra guidance. Wether he wants to join me is up to him.

I think going to IC - just for you - is a fantastic idea.

For what it's worth: When I started grad school a few years ago (pre-bomb), we did several exercises in the very first class was to help us examine "Why am I working on an MBA at this point in my life?" We looked back at significant points in our past and tried to identify patterns - where we had grown, where we were stagnant, where we were happiest, where we were frustrated.

The pattern I identified was that I would be happy, then I would become content, then settle into a rut where I wasn't really pushing myself much - eventually leading to being bored and frustrated. In time, that would lead to some sort of crisis that kicked me in the butt, making me go into a phase of serious self-examination and personal growth. I would stretch and grow and try new things and get challenged and make new friends, and do much better for a while. With my MBA studies, I was working really hard on my professional life, not cluing into the fact that the same cycle was going on in the background with my home life - until the bomb hit.

My goal since finishing school and since DBing has been to be aware of this cycle and not drop back into the contentment/downward spiral part of it ever again!

I say this because I feel like you are in a spot where you need to do the same kind of thing - have the courage to stretch and grow beyond the self-imposed limits of the "old TAL" that has been holding you back for so long. I believe you can do this!

What a messed up day this is going to be. Im supposed to go out with my gf tonight, Im probably going to cancel it, Im in know frame of mind for it. Id be worrying about him the whole time, and I was supposed to talk to her about her "child's issues" and I just don't have the strength for it. I have too much going on here.

Seems like you could use a break, hon. Rather than bagging it completely, maybe you could say to your gf, "Could we go out and just have a few laughs and set our ISSUES on the back burner for a couple of hours?"