Fear is a powerful emotion...fear of the unknown is, well, frightening. Gray talks about in his book about detachment in basics that make a little more sense. He talks about how we become attached to our partner in a way that is not healthy. We become dependent on them specifically. Psychologically, if this R is shaken or broken, we become afraid that we will NEVER be loved by anyone else and then we struggle to maintain this R. Detaching is understanding that others can and WILL love us...that we must stop the fixation that is is only THEIR LOVE that can fulfill us and ONLY THEY WILL LOVE US. Letting go of that is the real detachment.

I'm not a psycho/karma dude, but:
Originally Posted By: The Dalia Lama

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other


Staying in a marriage....being fidelitous...choosing to stop drinking...is a CHOICE.

No one here likes to see a marriage fail. However, no one here wants to see someone staying in a codependent relationship and continually getting their guts kicked out.

I support you for going to Alanon. Do what works for you. Feeling pressure now..to offer sex...IMO..is a backburner issue.
JMO.
FIB

Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;