I mean, last night was such a hurtful convo that I'm crying even now thinking about it. Things said were both of us saying there doesn't even seem to be anymore "friendship" and that was the one that hurt the most. He is so angry and I don't blame him. I've done some things to hurt him, and he seems to hold grudges even though that is what he accuses me of. He also said, "This is why I don't want to go to dinner with you. You just keep doing things to make me." (More about the dinner thing later in this post).
I reminded him last night of a comment he made at the beginning of all this ... "There is no healing." He claims he never said that, but he did. I said it back to him last night, and I'm horrified.
I can't get into more detail about it, but I definitely don't want to go to another site. I had a session with Michelle yesterday, and she wanted me to say certain things to him when he called me last night, but I never even got the chance to do that because he was so angry when he called me.
Earlier in the day, I had asked him to go out and eat with me this Sunday and he flatly refused, saying he didn't want to be alone with me. I asked, "Are you afraid of me?" He said no, he just didn't want to talk about the things I want to talk about, (probably meaning the divorce separation of property etc. or the R) but I said that I wanted to just keep it light. Then he just said, No, he didn't want to. Then later last night, during our convo when he was so angry, he said, "That's why I won't go out with you, because of things like this." That is what keeps me believing he doesn't want to see me -- period! He keeps coming up with one excuse after another, and it's always something different.
Michelle said I "have to believe that when he comes over to the house for whatever reason, he does want to see me." My negative MA keeps telling me he won't come over, he won't come over, he wants to move on, he's done with me.
Michelle wants me to go dark, and I am going to do this starting today. I need support. I need support. I need help. I'm sinking again. I know how to GAL and I'm doing it. I need words of wisdom if there is any hope at all of saving this M.
