Is it just sex....or more?????

[istherehope]

Hi CW,

Well I may not be the best one to give advice on this, but I have been in a somewhat similar situation recently, so will just give you my take on it, and you can take it with an appropriate grain of salt.

In my situation, I moved out about 3 weeks ago. We live in Dublin, and I was staying in a corporate apartment until I could come to Poland and work for a couple of months. Those 3 interim weeks were absolute hell for me, but during the last 7 days (so last week), we started having sex again. I had to come by the house for various reasons, on 3 different days. On each of those days, he initiated. The sex was probably the best ever, but there certainly wasn't a lot of affection. The first time he got up and got dressed immediately. The second time was pretty much the same, but the last time we actually slept in the same bed as it was the night before I was leaving for Poland, and he'd said he was OK with me sleeping in the house that night.

So in my case we never discussed the sex. I personally took it as a good thing, because it was some kind of physical affection, and I don't think it would have happened if he was completely opposed to being with me. In my case I know my H has too much respect for me to do that. I decided not to talk about it, as this might have just complicated matters. I let it be what it was, great sex with the man I love. I decided early on that I would be OK with this if and when it happened, and that I would view it as some kind of progress. I also had no expectations of affection or cuddling afterwards, so I think this helped me.

I'm not trying to hijack your thread with my own situation, just want to let you know where I am coming from.

I don't know your H, and I don't know the background to your situation, but to me it looks very positive that he called you after the "deed" to say that he had a good time. This is not treating you like a "whore". I think this is showing you respect. It also sounds as though there might be more to it than just the sex, as he said it was interesting in a lot of ways. Only you can decide whether you have the stomach to continue in this kind of behavior without any more of a commitment from your H, but I would imagine that now that it has happened once, there is more of a likelihood of it happening again. I'd say though that you have to be willing and able to go into it with no expectations, unless you feel comfortable at this point setting some boundaries around it with your H. My guess is that he won't be too open to the boundaries though...

My guess is that it isn't just sex to him, but it may also be confusing to him. I think you'd have to be prepared not to talk to or ask him about it, and not show any unhappiness when he leaves afterwards without a kiss goodbye. If you are going to do it, I think you'll need to expect no affection, and if you're OK with this, then I would personally go for it...

Good luck with everything,

ITH