For the Guy with Kids and a WW 10

[hopeful4her]

I am such a confused person these days. I can't believe the point that I have gotten to.

For the past 13 years, all that I could think about was my wife. Even up until recently. I have convinced myself to detach from her. I had no choice. Now, I think of others, and deep down I really don't like it. I pray for guidance.

But I feel so done with my GBG. I KNOW that I frustrate everyone on here. I frustrate myself. It's like the only way to keep me from constantly thinking about her is to occupy myself with thoughts of others.

I'm trying. I'm really trying.

Yes, Y said that she might stop by the office after her appointment. She never did however. All for the better. She is going to be in the office tomorrow, though.

I've always had my eye on the goal, but its like it has become nothing but a speck out in the distance. I will take my days one by one.

My other friend D started texting me late today while at work too. What am I up to. Did I hear the latest on that friend of ours that might get indicted. Talking about school stuff we are doing tonight with our kids. Needing a drink.

I think I am just driving myself crazy. No calls from B, though.

At closing time tonight, I am changing before I leave. D11 calls me to ask me to pick her up from D6 school and take her to HER school. There is an agenda to follow at the school and it starts at 6pm. I get to the school and call GBG. I tell her to have D11 meet me outside. GBG says she is almost finished and will meet me at D11's school.

See a lot of people I know at the school. GBG calls while Principle is speaking to the crowd. Did I get her uniform yet? Did I get her lunch ticket paid yet? Did I get her journal yet? NO, no, no. She asks if she should get it. She can stay for a little while, she has to take S14 to high school to get his ID. She'll see me later. I still haven't seen her.

Or she hasn't seen me yet.

Two and half hours later, we finish. GBG calls me to let me know that she is at the apartment but at a neighbors. Call when get there. I ask if they ate. She says she was going to make spaghetti, but I can get something for D11 if I want.

D11 says she is starving. Can I get her something. We decide on chicken tenders. She asks if I'm eating too, but I tell her that I'm going out afterward. She asks with who. I say with people from work.

"From work?"
"Yesss. Why?"
"I dunno."
"I can't wait for school to start."
"You can't? Its going to be exciting."
"Yeah. And thats your week."
"Yeah, I can't wait either."
"I think I'll sleep with D6 tonight."
"Why?"
"I dunno. It just doesn't feel like home. It just feels like a place. Like a place we just stay at."

"I'm sorry, honey. I can't wait for next week."

I call S14 but no answer. I call GBG ask if she wants some chicken, too. She declines. Just get for D11. I ask about S14 and she says she has food. Just get for D11. She sounded a little snippy.

"I have food." Well okay then. Stupid of me to even have asked.

Its already going to be 9:15. She hasn't even started dinner.

I take D11 to the apartment and she calls her mom. She is back at the apartment. Her neighbor and kid that is D6's age is there too. She introduces herself. Seems nice. GBG's eyes look a little funny. Like she was crying, maybe. I try to tell GBG how it went, but the girl is trying to talk to GBG and me. I get to say a few things to GBG and ask about paying my part of the stuff. She says to pay next week. She asks if I want a beer. They are having one. I decline. I stay about 20 minutes and then start to try to leave. the girl decides to leave too.

Kisses and hugs and goodbyes. GBG tells me that they ARE going out of town tomorrow. I say ok. As I'm leaving, she ask girls about the little dogs leash. She wants to walk her.

Right now? Is she trying to walk me out to the car?

She can't find the leash. I was waiting at the door watching her look, but I look at her and wave bye and shut the door. Not going to wait. She says bye.

I have a headache.

Girls have already called me for goodnights. I tell them to call me. I will miss them. Text me anytime.

I miss them already.