Hi peace- There are so many questions that we will probably never get answered. <<<sigh>>> It can be so hard to accept that. I can only hope that things are getting easier for you.
Keep moving forward and focusing on you, your kids and your new business. Try to be happy with all of your blessings...even the blessing that your H wants to be a part of your kids lives. Things will eventually fall into place for you when you aren't even thinking about it.
