I just love you DQ~ I have been much too busy. Sorry I felt like I was going 100 miles an hour today. My H hubby had me running all day { errands for work} If I get busy again I promise to put a smiley face and just a one line sentence. { ie. hey I am doing great.. listening to Sugarland}
Love ya honey... Will post an update in a bit. ~Ali
Fear is a powerful emotion...fear of the unknown is, well, frightening. Gray talks about in his book about detachment in basics that make a little more sense. He talks about how we become attached to our partner in a way that is not healthy. We become dependent on them specifically. Psychologically, if this R is shaken or broken, we become afraid that we will NEVER be loved by anyone else and then we struggle to maintain this R. Detaching is understanding that others can and WILL love us...that we must stop the fixation that is is only THEIR LOVE that can fulfill us and ONLY THEY WILL LOVE US. Letting go of that is the real detachment.
I'm not a psycho/karma dude, but:
Originally Posted By: The Dalia Lama
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other
Staying in a marriage....being fidelitous...choosing to stop drinking...is a CHOICE.
No one here likes to see a marriage fail. However, no one here wants to see someone staying in a codependent relationship and continually getting their guts kicked out.
I support you for going to Alanon. Do what works for you. Feeling pressure now..to offer sex...IMO..is a backburner issue. JMO. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB~ I just love you. You are the best. I have to run ... will post when I get back. I feel like my mind is in chaos. I agree with every word. { in your post} Have you been peeking in my window?
Fear is one thing , for sure I dunno where this is going. And yet I can face it. And yet that is tiring as we are coming close to ~12~ years of M~ Anger hurt betrayal RESENTMENT is big for me now.... Last nite I almost blew my top.. just tried to control myself. Resenment is trying to consume me... he is back pedalling. Putting a band aid on this. Pretending like nothing ver happenned and we are living happy.
and yet I have come to accept that this is who he is and if he doesnt change then it is up to me to decide. And that?
Sucks...
It is hard to turn your back on someone you love. Can he grow and be the Man he needs himself to be? I dunno.
Originally Posted By: The Dalia Lama
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Beautiful.... And FIB~ I do think you are a "karma" dude. You just dont know it yet.
I feel a mix of emotions and at the same time I feel emotional constipation. I need to get them out in a healthy way. I dont need him to fix me... I just have not felt his way before. I do this and I do that and it doesnt help. The feeling is there... it literally feels stuck in the middle of my chest. I have had anxiety attacks, depression and this is quite different. It feels like I need them to come out{ FEELINGS< anger , resentment} or I am going to die. I am fine really. Calmer than I have been in a very long time and at the same time I feel this clearly and it sucks.
Also when we were ML last nite I felt like my heart wasnt in it and he knew it ... I want something from him too. a hard penis just doesnt convey I love you. Touch my back , make some sort of noise to let me know you are alive.
I know I cannot have him give me the reflected sense of self I used to search for.
I just want to feel him... :rolleyes:
It felt so mechanical... I also was being irrational and his Covered { half ass} Tattoo.
{ under the eagle is her name ********* right above his heart , left hand side of his chest} I looked at it and though I would be sick. I was with him 10 years and what did I get? She was with him for 4 weeks and she gets a [censored] banner on his chest? bang head, roll eye, angry, cry, { sucks to feel all those emotions at at the same time BTW~} { what is wrong with me? } : eye roll:
I really , really am above that. Or at least I thought I was? :shock: But does he know I am HUMAN? I just wanted to punch him and at the same time I felt nothing.
This is not good... I am scared I don't have it in me anymore to fight for him to let me in. I know he loves me but I am exhausted.
You are right FIB~ sex on the back burner, if he would put into it a sensE of he was "reaching out to me?" better~ It just feels like he needs release? I dunno even what I feel right now. I just know he needs to step up to the plate... cause I feel so close to just throwing in the towel. Accepting this is who he is ...
I know Cinco. I promised I would give him time and I will. I just feel too much right now and at the same time I feel nothing.
I am confusing myself. I AM POSTING LIKE A HYSTERICAL WOMAN. I am going to take a shower and see if I feel better.
and yet I have come to accept that this is who he is and if he doesn’t change then it is up to me to decide. And that?
Sucks...
It is hard to turn your back on someone you love. Can he grow and be the Man he needs himself to be? I dunno.
Ali,
It is so hard to wait for someone that you love. He is in a crisis right now with the FOO stuff and once he gets through this a light may come on and he may see again. If he doesn't then he may never wake up to see the good things in his life.
I have decided that I won't wait forever either. My wife is always so depressed about things too much to see the wonderful things in her life. We have a beautiful, intelligent daughter who loves us both. She has friends and family and a husband who all love her. So many good things touching her life but she can only see the negatives.
There is no reason to just exist when our lives are meant for truly living. To grow, live and love... That is what we are meant to do.
I just love you too Cinco. And you know what? You are also right. Blessings to you too. This may just turn out ok. He seems to 'know' I am not f*cking around anymore. and yet I am done trying to 'figure' him out. ~Ali
ps.. I am sure { tomorrow} I will look at my posts today and wonder what was I on? *EYES* ROLLING* I asure you I am clean.. it is just a figure of speech. But I do sound like I am crazy no?
If you get in the bath with the stillettos "on".... Now that would be crazy.
I'm so happy I was here to cheer you up a little Ali. I needed a little cheering up myself after getting my bad news yesterday. Ah well it's only a job. LOL
If you get in the bath with the stillettos "on".... Now that would be crazy
Stop..not fair...I"m going on 7 months without. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Sorry 
Last nite I almost blew my top.. just tried to control myself. Resenment is trying to consume me... he is back pedalling. Putting a band aid on this. Pretending like nothing ver happenned and we are living happy.
