Hi all.. and thanks for all the responses to my posts. I am blessed to have people around who understand my situation.
Alot has happened over the last couple of days.
Firstly, my wife invited me around spontaneously the other night and initiated a conversation about the OM. She told me she 'cared about him' but 'not enough to be in a full blown relationship with him' and that she was ending things in her 'own way'. She told me she considered us to be 'working on things' and, from this point, to be 'in a relationship'.
I told her I felt that if she continued to speak to and plan to meet the OM then I couldn't continue with our dating. She said she agreed and to bear with her as things had been deteriorating and she had been deliberately pushing him away for some time.
I let it sit and we spent a great two days together. She told me that 'she loves me'. I haven't heard that in months
Today, whilst at work, she phoned me and explained to me that she had sent a text to the OM telling him that she felt there was 'no point in continuing with their relationship' and that she 'no longer felt the same' about things. He hasn't replied as of yet... but I think he will. I fear that.
Now, this all sounds great. In fact, it IS great. Fantastic. I'm over-joyed. But there are still some things really, really bothering me. Now, I accept this might be down to my own insecurities but I would like to know what everyone here thinks I should do (or just opinions)
Firstly, my wife REFUSES to tell the OM directly that she has decided to work on things with me. Yes, she has 'ended' the affair and has told him she no longer feels the same and does not plan on continuing with their plans BUT says she will not tell him the reason for that is that she is back on working things out with me. She says she feels 'bad on him' because she feels she has 'used him' and that it would hurt him unnecessarily at this point. She says she acknowledges that he WILL find out eventually but she would rather not right now. Is that normal?
Secondly, my wife has a friend abroad whom played a part in sheltering the affair for some time and whom, as a result, I have some trust issues with. Now, although she HAS told several of her friends in this country that she has been seeing me and is now working on things with me she says she is not ready to tell her friend abroad (who knows the OM) that she is back working on things with me. She says part of the reason for that is that this friend would inform the OM and also that she believes this friend would 'lecture her' on her decision (undoubtedly true as this friend has some ill-informed opinions of me... LONG STORY)
I am so happy with how far things have come. We have discussed holidays and even talked about moving back in together in the near future.
Only a while ago she phoned me and the issue of her not informing her friend abroad of the whole situation was raised. I let her know that I felt it would be better she just explain it all to her friend but she became VERY, VERY irritated by that and began to get angry and short-tempered insisting that I 'wanted it all straight away' and hadn't taken into account 'how much she has done in the last two days'. I do have to admit... she has said she fully intends to be with me and work on things. She has sent a text to the OM informing him that she no longer feels the same way and that she feels they should call it all off. She has told me she loves me. The thing is we kind of had an argument and that scared the crap out of me. I dont want to argue... we're supposed to be enjoying things! Still, we ended the call okay and she told me she really did love me and I genuinely needed to stop worrying about the OM. Maybe I am making too big an issue out of things at this point.
I just want to feel secure in our relationship. I just want to feel like we dont have to hide that we are working on things from ANYONE.
She has said she WILL tell her friend in her own time and to stop pushing the issue. She insists that I have nothing to worry about and things will change in the near(ish) future on that particular issue.
I believe her... but part of me, I guess, just wants this all in the open and sealed.
