The Door That Never Closes!

[Treese]

Hi All........Late breaking news.....not good....but here ya go...

I got home from work yesterday....went for the mail...looked through it and what did I find.....and envelope addressed to my H from the bureau of child support.....the mother of his "love child" has filed for a paternity test and child support.I could see throught the envelope..I didn't open it....I was numb....I couldn't move....I started to cry.....I immediately called my H to tell him what he got...he didn't answer...I waited a few minutes called back...he answered...

Me: Guess what you got in the mail?
H: What?
Me: you have been summoned to court for a paternity test and child support?
H: Really.....I'm in a meeting...I'll call ya back....
Me: hung up...

I thought to myself wow...this didn't even affect him at all...WTF? He called back 2 hours later....yep....I would have left that meeting in a hurray...he just didn't want to deal with me...once he finally called back this is what happened....

H...so now what's this I got?
Me...she's going for child support....
H...yeah....well...it is what it is....so insensitive to how I might feel...

OK...this is where everything I have learned and you all have told me went right out the window....I'm sorry but I was so angry and hurt....and ticked off that it didn't bother him at all...

I told him all the bad stuff...."I loved you from day one...you have no idea how bad this hurts....it's one thing after another....and he said, "that's why we need to move forward with the divorce"....I said fine....I will take you for everything you have and he said, "I don't have anything"...It's not like I make 10 millions dollars as a basketball player...the judge isn't going to give you as much as you think he is....I have to live too....at this point I knew I was talking to the air...he didn't shed a tear...didn't even flinch...said...he cant help the way he felt that that's where he was in his life...that he wasn't in love with me and I need to move on...of course I told him his kids feel like 8 years of their lives have been stolen from them, that they lived a lie for all those years...he said, "Treese...in the end I'm still their dad"...

I told him how much I hated those OW...and he said they are not monsters....I said well the mother of your child who is supposed to be such a good person just filed a suit against you...."yeah well....I knew eventually it would happen..."Treese, I feel so relieved to get this off my chest"....I said, "at the expense of your family"....

Of course I was crying...but did not beg, plead for him to come home because quite frankly....I don't want him here the way he is now.....

He continued to tell me that we need to move forward and get out of limbo and work together....I said, you can work with my attorney..then he tried the guilt thing on me and said, "I thought the kids were the most important thing to you and now you will be taking money from them"....

My H took a different job in his company....took a huge pay cut...and now we will have to pay for this other child....

I told him had he come to me 8 years ago and told me he knew I would not leave and he knew I would still love him and I would have worked at bringing that other child in to our lives....he said, "who said I wanted to stay with you then"....OMG....I just ended telling him that I felt like I was going crazy....and he said, "u already were"....I turned, said a few choice words, walked in to my house and closed the door.....and cried, and cried, and cried....

He told me he's not coming home...I said, "Never"....he said, "No"...and I believe him....we're done...

I finally left for a little while...I had to get out, I had to take a drive so I did.....I came home got in to bed and cried....tossed and turned all night....sleep...what's that....

H goes for the test on 9/3 and they said it would take weeks for the results....weeks of agony...and then when it's done....more pain....why do the people we love the most have to hurt us so badly....I know I threw the guilt on him but how much more can I really take....I'm getting blows from every direction.....It hurts.....I'm moving on....

I told H to do what he needs to do....he said we need to work together on this, "I said, I don't want to work with you"....I finished with I will always love you....when I'm 80 years old I will welcome you home.....

he also told me that I am stronger than I think and I need to stop crying....

But....I need to go to an attorney....I need to file....I need to protect my kids.....will she get child support before my kids...will he make out better than we will?? Someone tell me what I need to do....I'm scared, alone, and we don't have the money to fight....

If he doesn't have the money to get an apartment now...how will he have it to get one after the divorce? Am I screwed? Will I have to sell my house?..what is going to happen to me and my children?

It's time to give him what he wants.....I can't fight it anymore...I'm not strong enough...