Trixi and His Highness

[MaxP]

Trixi,

Sometimes the gulf between the sexes is far greater than we would like to admit. Men (in general) are very direct and expect people to be direct in return. We don't take the time to try to decode messages because we expect someone who has a real issue to make it clear to us. Very clear. We also say and do things without realising the emotional impact, because we apply our own value system or are not so good at empathising. Until you hear your H echo back at you what you have said and then see some changes, sadly, there is a good chance your message might not have got through and been processed. Women are also far better at expressing themselves, saying what they feel and layering conversations. Sometimes men just won't pick up on these things.

I consider myself to be pretty sensitive to picking up messages as men go but it's quite a regular thing for me to miss the point or to say something that comes out badly where women are concerned! I don't mean any harm, but it happens.

For a long time after I separated from my W, I couldn't join the dots. I was utterly confused. It took ages for me to build a picture of my role in the downturn of our R. If I now write a list of signs of trouble from my W, some of the things I did and decisions I made in the last year, I feel horrified and angry at myself. What a fool we can sometimes be. Often these may seem very small, but they mount up. I just didn't see what was happening. If only we could go back and use a 2x4 on ourselves.
Men can also be very, very focused on something. Often something that they believe is vital to their role in the R, but all the time they are failing to meet their spouse's emotional needs.

So the lesson is that we are different and need to learn how to communicate across the divide. If there is something important to you, make it known, but make sure that it is clearly delivered and also acknowledged. It may seem like a pain in the backside to have to do that, but at least then you can be sure. Hopefully, when your H understands what you want he will respect your wishes.

Max