I did use the truth dart. I agreed with her that trading the car was the only way to do it. That is pretty much the reality of the situation right now. It is something that she is going to have to deal with.
I do think at this point it is time to start putting up the boundaries. If this keeps up the way it is going right now I really won't be in a good place to work on our M, if it happens. So far I have done things out of love for her. It seems that things will start slipping towards anger and resentment within myself if I don't change things for my own sake. I do see that on the horizon. That will certainly end it all.
So I have to go down the road you recommend soon. It seems to me that has more of a chance of working then the way things are going. Thanks for all the help.
Last edited by yenko69; 08/21/0807:38 PM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
What kind of interactions did you and your wife have? As far as speaking to her and that sort of thing. I realize that it was a little different since you where living together.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Yeah, it was tough. We both learned to set ourselves up a daily schedule that really minimized our contact with each other. I would work during the day (and she would sometimes too), and about the time I'd get home in the evening, she'd be headed off to work again, I'd feed the kids, and then I'd head for the gym to work out as she was driving HOME from the gym (she works there).
When we WERE in the house together, we were at various times cordial (but not overly friendly), and sometimes we would go 2-3 days without speaking to each other. We only had four or five angry outbursts during the whole thing, as we both made it a point to try NOT to do that -- especially in front of the kids.
E-mail and text messages work great for the logistical HH stuff.
I have been reading your old threads about your sitch. Sometimes you remind me of me in the way that you did things. The same things that I want and need to change. It is interesting to see how you got to where you are from where you started. There is a ton of good advice on those threads.
Yenko
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
What a freaking day. I have felt so ate up today with pain and anger. The pain has been really intense off and on all day. I had drill weekend this weekend so I was out of town. I did talk with a priest for awhile. He was somewhat helpful, but I was able to let some things out.
When I was driving back here if I saw a car that looked like my W or OM I was struck even harder by the pain and anger of it all. The anger started to border on hatred. I can usually control my emotions well, but this time the anger, pain and hatred was burning really deep. I am smart enough to understand some things that are driving it, but I still can't stop the anger from rising up.
My W in her wisdom did not pay the cell or house phone bills. So both are shut off right now. I can't talk to D11 at the moment and that pisses me off. I would go out there to see her but if OM is around I would not have a job Monday. If I could without consequence I would knock the h@ll out of that sob. What a f-ing friend he turned out to be.
I do know, control the anger ect. It will pass, so I would rather vent here then go over there and do something dumb. Right now I want to just stay angry.
Right now, I'd suggest getting her OFF of your cellphone and home phone accounts, and taking over responsibility for herself. Ditto with anything else you can. If she's going to be irresponsible, let her do it with HER bills.
Well, yesterday was an odd day. I was still pretty angry yesterday. W borrowed some money and got the cell phone paid. She left a message at the guard unit to call her. When I called her back my BIL had tried to run over my SIL on sat. He then ran some farm equipment off a dam and stole his dad's semi. They were still looking for him. W asked if I could change the locks in SIL's house. Not really a problem since she has two younger kids.
Somehow she started with if I had nothing else to do, never mind don't go out of your way, I thought you cared about me and you put everything else ahead of me. I thought the best response to some of this was nothing because it would not have been pleasant. It did at the time make me more angry. Then it kind of went to disbelief and kind of amusing. Back to anger on the way to the house.
When I got there she was in the bedroom. SIL had left and would be back in a little while. Talked to W for a little bit and then she melted down. She started crying about her car, finances, ect. I supported her some but was thinking deal with it. The she said that she had pushed the only person who had loved her unconditionally away. MIL then came in looking for something. After MIL left I went back to talk with W. She started crying again and basically it was:
- realized that SD16 had more to do with this then she first thought (long story) - she felt trapped between 5 different worlds - she had a lot to think about - she missed me terribly - I was the only one she was comfortable enough with to express everything she feels - why did I still care after everything she put me through
Then she started making out with me. It started to get pretty passionate until D11 came back from a friends house. I did end up staying for dinner, SIL and MIL came up.
When MIL and D11 left to go get something W came up and hugged me and starting kissing me again. She said that she wanted to stay home more and wished I was there but was unable to. She wanted a normal life. Then MIL and D11 got back.
After dinner I went and changed the locks on SIL house. They had caught BIL but he was bailing out of jail. When I got back W had taken some medicine for a migraine and was falling asleep. She gave me a hug and a couple kisses and told me she would talk to me tomorrow.
She did call today and talked with her, nothing real important. When I was driving through another town she came driving up behind me. She was there picking up a friends kid. Talked with her some and she had SD16, who was uncharacteristically friendly. Nothing to important.
All day I thought I should be more excited. I have just felt pretty skeptical about the whole thing. Any ideas on how to handle this development.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
