Positive developments?

[jon2911]

Some of this will probably be TMI, but here goes.

Got into Houston at 11:30 on Friday night, and I had some of that new KY His and Hers that's all over TV. It was fun

Saturday we went to the Harley dealership to get some stuff for my bike, and I bought W a HOT shirt. I was really surprised at the one she picked out. It's so nice to see her new confidence. And it matches a shirt I have, so we made quite the couple. W had been online checking the new '09 bikes out, and I showed her around. Had no idea she was on such a Harley kick. Cool.

We went for a long ride, ending with the Dark Knight in iMax. Very fun. When we got back, W informed me she officially had a yeast infection. What the crap? This never happened when we lived together, but a few times while separated. Probably because of stress, and I guess the KY didn't help.

Sunday was interesting. We canceled our beach plans, and W started being bitchy. Of course, she secretly blamed me for her sickness. I was bummed out at first, but then thought it could be a chance to be a good husband. I told her I wanted to pamper her all day, and let her sit on the couch while I went and got medicine, dinner, etc. We finished out the night watching Army Wives with her roommate. Roommate still has no idea who I really am, but whatever, we get along. W began a big R talk that night, which of course ended with no resolution.

Monday morning, I used a new Harley leather product on all my gear while she got ready. W was impressed and said that was good use of my time. (I remembered a hint from The Notebook, where he would make himself busy while his wife was getting ready, so she didn't feel rushed. Little things).

We had lunch, and went to her grandparent's ranch to drop off some furniture. It was nice and relaxing, some of our favorite memories are out there. She started another R talk, and I had to draw the line.

Our R talks go like this, both in the marriage and now:
1. W begins angry accusations
2. I listen and affirm, apologize
3. W gets even more mad because I'm not "defending myself" (i.e. I'm not blowing up in anger like her dad would)
4. I begin to give my opinion, but she cuts me off every few words.

I told her I'm done with that. If she wants to have a discussion, we'll take turns for a minute, no interrupting. "But everything you say is full of lies", she says. I mentioned e-mail for discussions. Later, I left at 4:00 AM and got back to work Tuesday morning. Third time I've done this, to get a little more time with W.

A couple positives from the weekend:
- W uses the excuse that sex works for us, but nothing else. Well, no sex after Friday night, and we still had a good weekend. Take that WAW!

- W asked me what I'm telling my friends and family. She still expects me to keep our meetings a complete secret, which is unrealistic. My answer? I want to build our friendship, even if the marriage ends. She really liked that.

- after the R talk, I told her that it seems like she's just trying to hurt me, and sabotage our time together. She said "yes, I try to hurt you, because I can tell you're changing and don't want you to stop". First indication I've had that she can see the changes.

- I asked why she wants to spend time together, if she's just trying to pick a fight. She said "because I miss it. I miss the road trips, the small towns, the trains, even some things I used to hate."

So, there ya go. DBing 101. She's remembering the good times, but still scared that I won't change and that things will go back to the way they were. I feel like we're getting there, but still an amazing amount of anger from her. Hopefully she can start to release it.