oh, and Matt, you telling your W you were not happy in the M either, I don't consider that anti-dbing, that's more validating IMHO. depending how you say it though.
I also told my H that he was right, our M was bad. I think for the most part, we all need to make sure we are communicating in a way that lets the other person hear openly, not defensively, and also try to use action more than words. It gets annoying and tiresome to always be lectured at. So, if we can figure out what works without TALKING, then go for it!
I had a similar issue with my H in regards to cancelling a bill, and other honeydo things. I wrote a note with a few things he was to do and wrote on there that when he got done with them, he was getting a full body massage. He did do a couple, not all, but at least some. I ended up having to cancel the thing myself. So I haven't figured it all out yet myself.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
