A thread called "Busted"

[TwinDad]

BACKGROUND LEADING TO THE BOMB…..

My W and I had always had a R that was on autopilot. We were both intelligent people with well defined opinions that were often close to one another but we were stubborn and hardheaded so the gap was never bridged. We had an earlier bomb about 4 years ago in which my W found herself going out partying to all hours of the night and engaging with OM and I found myself in the midst of an EA while confiding with a co-worker. I would have received an F in DBing at this time…..actually I was so bad I don’t think they would have let me into the class. Holy insecurity and clinginess Batman! When W found out about EA the whole train wreck came to a stop. Our agreement, I was to not talk about our R with EA and we were to move forward together. Some of the issues at the time

Hers:
-Major Resentment about how I handled interaction with my family
-Felt I was controlling

Mine:
-Resentment about not being a priority and coming behind her career
-Felt I was being controlled

We tried one session of MC and just shook our head. The end result, no real issues got resolved, there was a lot of talking/lecturing on both parts with little understanding (no action) and two people had their self esteem crushed.

So what do two people with crushed self esteem do…..they have babies. We tried IVF several months later and were blessed with boy/girl twins. In hindsight we were actually taking care of one of my major concerns by having children and I reciprocated by standing up to my family….I had always been a peacemaker and caught in the middle……doesn’t work!

Fast forward a couple years later. My W is becoming increasingly pressuring about having another child. Initially I was against this do to guilt issues revolving around not being able to give the children the attention I thought they needed and didn’t want to make the sitch worse and my W not helping out around the house or much with the kids. Both of those concerns started to resolve themselves and I started to warm up to the idea of another child.

At the same time my W becomes increasingly unhappy with everything in her life (job, where we live, her family, and secretly me). I start to notice odd behavior on her computer….closing windows when I walk in the room…etc. I decide to snoop and discover she is talking to an ex boyfriend from HS and keeping it secret. She knows I wouldn’t have minded, but I would want to be a part of it and would like it open. Everything else in our M seems to be going very well…..I am 90% content but 10% is eating me from the inside out (some of this due to maintaining a friendship with EA and the resulting guilt……bad idea and very self righteous). I had a business trip planned and decided to take the snooping one step too far….I set the nanny cam to record while I was out of town…..