Bring on the Rain - Part 5

[SueS]

Hi everyone-

Thanks for watching out for me. Work has been really busy and I haven't been feeling well. I'm feeling better today, but I think my new meds played a part in that too. The doctor told me that I might be a bit sick to my stomach and have a bit of a headache. It was more than just a bit, so maybe I had a bug too.

As I said, thankfully work has been busy. We have our office outing tomorrow. We do a 3 hour cruise of one of the local lakes, have lunch & a few drinks. It's very relaxing.

As far as home goes, well, I'll be honest and put it all out there. H is at my place. Yep, pretty much living there. I thought I was strong, but after seeing him sleep in his car, seeing D4's hysterical reaction to seeing him leave and honestly, his smooth talk, I allowed him back in. I did make it clear that communication with OW while in MY home was not allowed. I have not come across any evidence of that. I still don't have my internet hooked up at home either, so that helps too. Yes, they are still in touch. I do know that. How has H been? Very helpful with everything and very patient (for the most part) with D4. H asked me to dinner last week and I went. H called me last weekend while I was at my parents house and asked if I would want to go out of town with him this weekend. I agreed. I'm not sure what it's all about, but I want to see what comes of it. I'm trying like heck to keep things in perspective by telling myself that this might just be a fun weekend or just my H doing what he has to do to get through this time until he can move and it will all be over anyway. I'll be hurt. I know I will, but I also know that I'll survive. I'll be okay. I'll still have D4 and seeing her sweet little face sleeping this morning reinforced that for me. I know that a lot of people off of this board and maybe some on it don't understand. And yes, to answer a question that's probably running through some minds.....we have been intimate....a lot. H has been sleeping in bed. We have a couch that he slept on all the time when we were in our old apartment but for some reason, he's been sleeping in bed. And, he's been coming closer to me in other ways.

I guess the only choice I have is to talk to my H to see what he's thinking. Am I just a stop and a place to stay or is his mind changing and is he realizing that being with us is a good thing.

I had a great time when I went home. I saw friends that I haven't seen in quite a while. Even one that I hadn't seen for about 15 years. It was nice and I got a lot of compliments telling me how good I looked. How nice did that feel!! Before leaving for home, I asked H what he was doing for the weekend. He said, nothing. I said, I know this may not sit right with you, but I have to say it. OW is NOT allowed in my home. H looked at me like I was crazy for even suggesting that he'd do it. I didn't care. I had to say it.

SueS