Aud, Matilda, Jak, You're all correct about venturing forward, to let my W know that I have an interest in pursuing intimacy.
I've been doing research for a poem I'm writing, about of course, the struggles of creating intimacy in a couple who is platonic, from the vantage point of a godlike third party. I'm exploring the gods Cupid, and Eros.
I have to deal with the emotional aspect of these struggles also. I don't fit neatly into the "just do it" mentality of solution-focused therapy. However, I understand that insight is not sufficient in and of itself for change. One has to practice new behaviors.
The consequence of my W's sleeping elsewhere is that I less likely want to venture forth for a day or two. I have to wrestle with the thoughts and feelings that are generated from this, so that I don't backslide into a negative mind state, and keep motivated to build on the positives in the R.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
[/quote]I understand that insight is not sufficient in and of itself for change. One has to practice new behaviors.[quote]
This is a good start CL. I do understand what you are saying.Please though keep working through your feelings and toward an intamacy with your W. I feel you will be well rewarded.
Have a good day.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I still think you should take a couples massage class or something like that. Or get a book from the library! You could at least massage each others feet after a long dance lesson.
Jak and Mailda, The transformational power of reading and writing poetry is amazing. It's been the most effective tool that I use on my own to get me back into a happier frame of mind.
I continue to wake up at 6AM to read and write poetry for an hour. If something is stirring in me, or there is a glob of thoughts and emotions, it comes flowing out on the paper with the help of a line from a poem that resonates with me.
I'm able to articulate what's going on inside, and able to see things in a different way. I've not experienced this before with anyone or anything.
It will allow me to return to and adapt to troubling, challenging, confusing aspects of my life, rather than avoid them, because I'm stuck in a frame of reference. Of course, the most challenging aspect is my W's sleeping elsewhere, but poetry allows me to wrestle with it, rather than be poisoned by my own thoughts and emotions.
In DB terms this is Doing Something Different that will have a positve impact on the M. My W is used to me brooding, being distant, dwelling and ruminating. She gets nervous if she thinks I'm going back to those patterns.
The Hawaii trip is in two weeks. I think we're going to have a wonderful time. We're already talking about how to afford the next trip there.
I'm going to travel this weekend to my hometown for my parent's 50th anniversary. My W will stay back, as she usually does (fine with me, no pressure).
I'm going to miss dancing this weekend, but I think a respite from the M, and the weekend routine will be good.
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 08/22/0801:05 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
