This probably sounds stupid, but I had a weird thought as I was reading this........what about rearranging ALL the furniture in every single room ? Make it a NEW house for you & D...
Not stupid at all! Have a garage sale and get rid of all the old that you no longer want. Buy new stuff that YOU want. Paint the rooms the colors you want! Get rid of the clutter.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
How are you doing today? Hope you are enjoying every moment! When you woke up, what was the first thing you saw? Is it something that makes YOU feel good? What was the first thing you smelled? What was the first thing you heard?
When you got out of bed, what was the first thing you felt with your feet? Did it feel good?
How was the shower? Wasn't the water wonderful? Did you enjoy the smell of your soap??
Focus on every little thing that you experience in your day that make you feel good.
Do more of what works. Stop doing what doesn't work. This works for everything, not just your R!
My thoughts are with you!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
How are you Ms Storyteller ? 5 days til school starts. Whoo Hoo !!!!
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I've been pretty silent after getting a reply email from him. It was matter of fact but stated that the total amount spent since the separation papers would be reviewed and taken into consideration. I, of course, am in a panic wondering if I've inadvertently spent a fortune buying nothing of value.
Once again.. hush up the anxiety and move forward. Nothing is ever as bad as I worry about it being.. and if it is.. it is what it is.
He called me today about the ongoing discrepancy in the paycheck saying he'd rectify it and would pay me the amount owed. While talking about the financial end and my inability to cover expenses with all the fixed costs (mortgage, country club, etc) I'd get emotional. Clever me decided to cough a few times when the tears started welling, figuring it gave me some time to compose myself.
In the end my voice went quavery, in my mind even though he was talking about completing the divorce I kept feeling that 'we are a team' thing we always had. Stupid stupid stupid. When I got off the phone I just started sobbing, so upset that it was the longest conversation we've had since before the bomb.. and probably well before the bomb since he's started avoiding me and stopped talking to me.. something I didn't realize.
On the upside, I started going through the stuff, packing up the remainder of his possessions. I started clearing out the mudroom, with keep, toss and donation piles making a concerted effort to have the keep pile the smallest.
After our call ended, I started sobbing. Luckily I had counseling shortly thereafter. As I left, having spent some time composing myself, my daughter asked me what was wrong with my face, why it was so red. I said something had gotten in my eyes and had left me stuffy.
While at counseling, I told the therapist that I was emtional, that it had nothing to do with meds, etc.. and told her about the phone call. The tears kept running and at the same time all I could feel was extreme disappointment in the kids' father. While on the phone I said how frustrating it was to have to constantly say no to the kids, that the older boys needed shoes. "They should be paying for their own shoes." was his reply.
By law he's not required to support them after the age of 18. Perhaps he's going to swing his own deal with them.. I don't know. Anyway..
My therapist has an older dog who is in the room. The dog adores me and spends about half the session just licking my legs and arms. I even sit on the floor so the dog is not tempted to jump up and further injure his back.
I asked her how she thought I was doing on a scale from 1 to 10. She hates numbers like that and asked me how I thought I was doing. I decided I wasn't going to go the numbers route either.
An image came to me. Imagine a long moving sidewalk like they have at airports. When I came to her, near the beginning of the sidewalk, walking backwards as fast as I could to try and stay in the same place. Now I see myself as 25% to 30% of the way there.. sometimes standing still but moving forward, other times actually walking and going all the faster and occasionally getting stuck walking backwards. She really liked that imagery and said she saw me zigzagging. That it was all forward movement, just taking little jags on the way there.
Her comment was for me to continue to focus on healing, to do the things that work in a positive way for me, avoid the bad and negative. I told her about the two detachment sentences I'd found calming (I disagreed with the second one after talking to WTS). She told me to focus on the first... that I can be independent without him.
I also told her about my Princess and the bog story.. she said she'd like to see it.
Me and my bog.. what a life.
Thanks for being such wondrous loving people. Goodness do I find your support and caring to be so positive and helpful and healing.
*hugshugshugsbeyondwordhugs*
PS.. when I got back from counseling I talked to my daughter. I said I'd been crying earlier and hadn't wanted to upset her so I made something up. "I wanted you to know that sometimes I get sad, which is okay. I cry, but then I go on and do what I have to, keep living life. I wanted you to know that it's alright to be sad, to cry.. but you still go on and do things that are good for you, live your life."
I said that I knew she probably knew. She said yes with a little smile. I gave her a big ole hug and it was a very sweet peaceful time.
I'd almost called her right after I left the house, but figured it was better to wait until I felt more emotionally stable.
It's a constant learning curve to maintain the honesty, be the mom, let the kids be the kids. Lots of growing up going on.
I don't have much time to comment right now (and don't have a new laptop yet, so can't get caught up while at my new place) but just wanted to let you know how much I admire you.
I always love reading your insights (even more than your fairy tales!) - to me these posts show your true brilliance more than anything.
Love, love, love R
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Imp is wise beyond her young years. I also love reading your thoughts & insight. Your moving walkway imagery is so perfect. When I watch "so you think you can dance" there's this amazingly talented & unique choreographer, Mia Michaels. Several times the judges have commented, after watching one of her brilliant pieces, "I wonder what it's like to live in her head". I wonder that about you Ms. Butterfly...what's it like to live in your head ?
Hugs Hugs Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
