I am hanging on. We went to the church today and made the mass arrangements. It was so hard to see my wonderful father break down and sob. I have never seen him cry.. It hurt so much, but I have learned so much through this.
"for better or worse until death do us part"
I want this. I believe in this. It may or may not be with my ex. I wish that he would have believed in us, like my parents believed in each other. I wish he would have kept his promise. No matter how difficult it gets or what temptations come in your path, a promise especially in front of God should never be broken. Destruction will always follow.
The death of my mother just brings clarity to what works in life and what does not. A relationship built on lies and betrayal will never work. It will never be what my parents had. It will be a miserable existence. You can't be happy destroying others in your path. Some mid-lifers though rather "pretend" they are happy than admit their mistakes. Pride takes over.
My anger toward my ex has subsided. Pity has taken its place. Even though my father is grieving, he is so comforted by the fact that he followed his vows, that he never gave up despite the bad times. His regrets are small, his achievements ease the pain.
Ml'ers will always have those regrets. What a burden to carry. How many sleepless nights they will have. How many tears they eventually will cry when they reflect back on their life. I can't imagine. I can't imagine the guilt.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
