Thank you everyone, this truly is a tough time. My mother was a great lady.
I can't cry anymore today. I am exhausted. I don't know what I would do if ex was nasty at this time.
He came at 7 and we told the kids together. They cried, we cried. It was so nice to come together as a family. I could tell he did not want to leave. He asked me if I was sure I wanted him to be a pallbearer. He wanted to know whose idea it was. He wanted to know if any of my brothers objected. I told him it was a family decision. He said I could change my mind at any time. I told him that would not happen.
He rescheduled the trip to Disney with my kids and OW -- yuk....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
((((Trusting,)))) My Deepest Sympathy for the loss of your Mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
God Bless you and your family, TOH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Ex had his friend call me last night to see if I needed anything. It was so ackward and uncomfortable not to mention inappropriate. I had not talked to this person for over 2 years. This person indicated to me that ex said "I would need a friend right now"........ He proceeded to give me a lecture on grief. I ended the conversation as soon as I could. I have to make sure I zip my lips because I felt the need to defend myself throughout most of the conversation. I wanted to call ex up and tell him how weird I thought that was. I did'nt. I will ignore it. I think in his feeble way he was trying to help. I felt also that he was trying to get information from me. Not what I need right now.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I think you did the right thing by not calling your ex about the phone call from the friend. It could have been his way of trying to help. Just ignore, some people don't know how to deal with grief.
You just take care of yourself right now, there will be time later on to deal with ex & his wanting info.
Hi Trusting, sorry to hear about your mum. I think your H probably meant well. Maybe he feels slightly uncomfortable, he wants to help and be there for you in your grief but feels you may misread his kindness and caring as more than that and he doesn't want to give you the wrong impression in your vunerable state. He obviously still cares for your well being and maybe he thought the friend could help? Just guessing but I had a similar situation with my x at one time. Not sure why he was wanting info for x, maybe you misunderstood his meaning. Take care.
T you mentioned in a fairly recent post that the thing that sent your H into his crisis was loosing his own mother. Was this 'friend' that he asked to call you also there for him at that awful time in his life? If so maybe he felt this person had helped him at the time and would also be able to do the same for you.
As for this person trying to get info for H perhaps H was looking for reassurance that it was ok to be your comfort.
Just my thoughts. However if it made you uncomfortable do not take anymore of these calls if they are repeated.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
He was there for my ex. Interesting perspective...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
