Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

[Bridgestone]

If anybody on this board needs a smack upside their head with a 2x4 its your H.

I am not sure I agree.

I agree with Forrest.. at least he is willing to try things. I may not like how his actions & words still affect me or the R, but he is at least trying. And most of the verbal and all of the physical abuse has stopped.

Is he in the running for president of the DAM's club of America.

Nah... Forrest has assured me he has this wrapped up!

DC was his chance to shine, prove to you that he is the man of your dreams and show you a rocking good time and he blows it.

No DC was about helping realize our son's dream vacation. We didn't get here over night.. going to DC for 4 days was not going to 'rock my world'. Did we have some laughs.. yes.. did we have some fun memories, yes. Was there tension.. yes. Did we each visibly bite our tongues at various points, yes. Did we each look at the other at various points with heartfelt gratitude.. yes.

He will show me how he shines when he makes the hard choices on a daily basis, not when we're on vacation.

He lets you guys fall right back into the same routine that made you move out in the first place.

no that was my choice to feel that way given the situation. I need to reframe my feelings & ask for what I need when that happens. I chose to bite my tongue because I was not sure we could deal with drama on vacation & I didn't want to find out.

I hadn't realized how much I have gotten use to having my 'alone time' and not having to answer to anyone.

Yep.. hard to admit.. but right now it is the truth. I like the independence that the last year has given me. going back in an R, will mean renegotiating what that looks like. Being in close contact for 5 days & 4 nights in DC made this hit home.

I'm Sorry... who is supposed to shine? Last I checked.. it was the person posting here!! If.. for some reason.. you find yourself posting here.. you better learn how to shine.

I give you props.. for trying to find the answer.

And slowly & steadily I'm trying to shine & to answer. Some days & questions are easier than others...Thanks for the help

One of the big things.. I have wanted to say is.. I see the effort on your part.. but I see his lack of.. "Heart". A DAM needs to have some Heart. It will disappear.. when he feels attacked.. or has lost interest.

I know he feels 'attacked' by my telling him what I need (he asks!) and his somewhat improved self-awareness recognizing how little he has done that in the past.

He does however, engage in self-deprication.. even worse than I could do to him if I tried. He is like Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde. one minute the abuse is directed at me, the next at himself.

I have said "I feel.... & I need..." lots of times this past 2.5 weeks and then I have thanked, appreciated, touched, ooo'ed, ahh'ed over the slightest improvement. Those are my efforts that are true to me to this point.

I.. may have missed.. you bending.. and Doing Work. If I did.. can you point it out?

See above... what else would you recommend? I'm open to ideas.

A big part of me.. thinks you stand out too much.

Huh?? I've never been accused of that..

He does not like your C.. that I am.. 99% sure of.

I asked again today on the way up, if this guy was someone he would be comfortable moving forward with once the communciation stuff was done, he hedged.

He likes.. that you stand out.. he just wants you to tone it back some. Call it a "little bit.

Still not sure what this means.. if I stand out (which I'm struggling to understand) how can I be 'less of me'? I felt like I was disappearing the way it was in the old R.

Most of this is directed at Bridgestone.
I am so going to hel*!!

Ahh.. Forrest.. it would take so much more, given what I have taken in my R up to this point to make me feel bad..geez.. you'd think you expected me to run screaming from the boards..." I hate you, I hate you! Forrest"

Thanks for the feedback & encouragement & props for pondering, both of you. Much apprecaited.

Peace
Bridge