Everyone has gone to bed here. A tough day to be sure. D12 is exhausted. D17 is trying to be the 'surrogate mom' , telling me to make sure that since 'mom isn't around any more' I need to plan balanced meals with veggies and stuff.
Your daughter doesn't need to be mom, but I think it's OK to encourage and praise her contribution to the household.
By the way, she sounds superb!!
My son is 15. Do you think in few years we can arrange a marriage? How many camels are needed for the bride-price? ;-)
This morning D12 (actually D13 in a few weeks) is depressed. She talks 'cheery' to D17 but looks down when she talks to me. I think she needs some space from mom and dad.
Me, I'm still numb. I guess it will take time to absorb what has happened. Still, I felt better last night not worrying about where W is.
I just want to yell at her and say "Look at what you've done! Are you HAPPY now? You better be because we sure aren't so it better be worth it to you"
Sitting with D13 last night after she left was awful. D17 seems fine but I know inside she's hurting. I'm hurting too.
I talked to W's stepmom last night to let them know what's going on. They have been supportive of me, through the last cycle / affair and through this one. They think she is delusional.
Anyway, her dad is livid about this. He can't believe she couldn't wait till she was divorced before she started 'dating' other men. He knows about the affair 3 years ago and was amazed I took her back after that.
Frank....in a couple of weeks, it may be decided who stays in the house and who leaves. Today, I meet with the law guardian (atty for the kids) for the first time. I don't know if my W met her already and what she told her.
I'm scared.
But I'm going forward. In many ways, like written above, I would take my W back under the right circumstances, but, they don't exist.
Frank...my old friend...you must be brave now. Now...now..is when the word courage comes to mind. You need courage...to continue to face each day without your wife. You need courage....to rise above this and take care of your beautiful daughters. You need courage....to still support your W in the eyes of your children. You need courage...to face the challenges that each day brings to you.
You can do it frank.
Each person on this site brings a different perspective. Each brings us insight from without...something we can't see while we mired in the muck. Listen to all here. Process it. Take what applies to you and throw the scraps away.
Think of what mulesqnb writes...something HIS dad told him. "Tough times don't last. Tough men do."
Watch the Hoyt film.....reprocess what is important in life.
Recall the snippets we've shared from Gladiator...the courage it takes to stand up for something you believe in.
And most importanly....remember what Jeff223 wrote above...what he STILL tells ME....that this is HER choice. You didn't throw out your wife. You told her that she should leave because she is NOT participating in the marriage. You told her to find what she wants since it is NOT your home. You told her that she must leave because she is destroying you....she does not have the strength or integrity to honor her CONTRACT with you...her promise.
It's OK' that they may grow to fall out of love with us. It is NOT OK to hurt us, lie to us, violate us or break us or treat the person that built a home with them and gave life to children with disrespect.
It's NOT OK.
Stay strong frank. Stay true to who you are as a man. Compassion. Integrity. Love. Patience. Honor. Humility. Kindness. And don't forget. Anyone can be a father. Not everyone can be a dad. Be a dad now and love your girls.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Frank, if you don't mind that I throw in an opinion of mine.
You did what you had to do before and you shouldn't be hard on yourself. Others (outside of this board, of course )may have felt you were wrong to take her back but they aren't you and you may not have been ready back then. I have read many of your posts over the past couple of years and you are a wonderful and loving person that has shown an admirable amount of patience.
You take care of yourself and those incredible children of yours. I am praying for you and your family.
Last edited by missmyfriend; 08/20/0807:51 PM.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
W just called, she's coming over to visit D13, D17 is not home.
W is angry - she says she "has nothing", wants to force us to sell the house so she can afford a place to live.
I told her that selling the house is a disruption I can't take time for, that I have business lined up that I must not be disrupted in. I said give it 2 months and I'll have turned it around.
She says I'm delusional, I'm a mess, that's why I was drinking. That she shouldn't be leaving me in the house with the girls. That it's not right that she can't come over and tuck them in at night. She's scared I'm going to be unable to care for them. She's the one who's taken care of them all this time, she should be with them.
I told her I never said she couldn't come over, I said I didn't want to see her so I wanted to know when she was coming over in advance.
I also said that she can call me on my cell any time, 2 in the morning, whatever, to verify that I'm keeping my word. She said "I don't want to have to go to a judge and make the kids testify that you're a drunk". Lovely.
I told her to give it 2 months, don't interfere with my life. I reminded her that the reason she is 'out' is because I told her I wouldn't co-habitate when she starts seeing other men. I said "You made your choice".
I told her I've had enough. This is the turning point. I'm pissed and I'm done with the hurt she's been putting me through.
She said "Yeah, I know I'm a bad wife! (I never said that) That's why I can't be married to you!".
Again, I said, just hold on 2 months and give me the space I need to turn this around. She said she'd think about it.
What finances? Frank's finances have been in the crapper for months!! They are in dire straits. His W hasn't figured out that she needs to get a real job and help out a tad.
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
)may have felt you were wrong to take her back but they aren't you and you may not have been ready back then. I have read many of your posts over the past couple of years and you are a wonderful and loving person that has shown an admirable amount of patience.