I've been pretty silent after getting a reply email from him. It was matter of fact but stated that the total amount spent since the separation papers would be reviewed and taken into consideration. I, of course, am in a panic wondering if I've inadvertently spent a fortune buying nothing of value.
Once again.. hush up the anxiety and move forward. Nothing is ever as bad as I worry about it being.. and if it is.. it is what it is.
He called me today about the ongoing discrepancy in the paycheck saying he'd rectify it and would pay me the amount owed. While talking about the financial end and my inability to cover expenses with all the fixed costs (mortgage, country club, etc) I'd get emotional. Clever me decided to cough a few times when the tears started welling, figuring it gave me some time to compose myself.
In the end my voice went quavery, in my mind even though he was talking about completing the divorce I kept feeling that 'we are a team' thing we always had. Stupid stupid stupid. When I got off the phone I just started sobbing, so upset that it was the longest conversation we've had since before the bomb.. and probably well before the bomb since he's started avoiding me and stopped talking to me.. something I didn't realize.
On the upside, I started going through the stuff, packing up the remainder of his possessions. I started clearing out the mudroom, with keep, toss and donation piles making a concerted effort to have the keep pile the smallest.
