YES it was my responsibility to forge SOMEHOW a way to speak to him about it, and I failed at that. I did try many times, couldn't figure out how to say it with any meaning, eventually gave up.
The one thing I did not try was counseling TOGETHER with him, where I could say out loud what I was feeling and have someone validate that my feelings were normal.
So I failed... I have admitted my failure many times on these posts...so in case I need to say it again, I am the one who failed myself in my marriage by not trying every means possible to fix things. Instead I buried my head and had no idea what to do or how to fix it and for this, I paid the ultimate price: divorce.
I should have done more to educate myself at the time...but I was only 20 years old, had run away from home, ended up pregnant...blah blah blah....still, it was ultimately my own fault for not being able to find the right avenue to speak to my husband.
I did though, for the record, TRY to speak to him countless times and it never went anywhere. At that point, instead of shutting down, I should have insisted we went to marriage counseling - - or just divorce at that time, versus remaining shut down for the next 15 years and then divorcing at the end of that.
It was only after I paid the price of divorce that I realized where I had gone wrong. I am trying to help others make their realizations WITHOUT having to get divorced first.
The day I did finally "own" my sex drive is the day I left him. Knowing, finally, by then, that the truth of the matter was that he was not going to make any effort to meet my needs, and that was the end of that.
