How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[SingleDad]

[quote=JCJ]

1. I could never understand the kind of love she needed (I do now, though not sure if any one could ever satisfy her wants)

Could you elaborate more on this. What are her wants? It may help you in the process of Real Giving which is something I have found quite useful in my sitch. It also might help identify behaviours that you can do more of, Michelle says to do what works rather than what doesn't. Have you found anything that has been successful in bringing out a positive reaction in your wife?




My W just wants to be understood, appreciated for who she is, what she wants... someone to be there for her... someone to really listen to her and understand what she wants. To be held, to have her know she is the most special person in the world to me...

All of those things are great and I wish I had them from her as well. i.e. recriprocal treatment... W is very emotional. She wants to be held and comforted. The problem is she wants things that she is not good at giving either. She can be very controlling and demanding.

W wants things we all want... but doesn't seem to realize that two people to be warm and loving and comforting to each other. She just expects that she can yell at me and tell me what to do and control me and then I should then come over and hold her.

That is she wants that loving feeling, regardless of what she says or does to me - to be loved for who she is. W doesn't seem to realize you can treat someone like crap and control them, and them still wanting to give her affection.

W doesn't see that she had a role in the demise of our marriage.

W only sees that she wasn't getting the kind of love and affection she wants...

I can't tell her that it takes two people without her getting angry.

Somehow - we just need to start over where both people are happy to be with each other and both can show each other the love that they want.

I just don't know how we can re-connect when we only talk on the phone for 30 seconds a day and have no access to see each other in person... She doesn't want to come to my house and I am not allowed at her house.

I'll have to come back to answer more questions... but I did have the bouquet of flowers delivered to her house today for our 4th Anniversary (I always bought flowers for this occassion - but usually it was a potted orchid).

I have to go now to pick up my daughter - but now that I am back from my few days in NYC - I can check up on my post.