Ready to GAL...Drop the Rope...Detach..2...

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[quote=lovehopefaith I didn't give enough to the MARRIAGE. It's a hard lesson to learn now, when things are so messed up and I don't know if I can fix them. But that's what DB is for, right?
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That's why I'm here and still standing. I know I did not give enough to my marriage. I also did not give enough to myself.

I read through your post (never apologize for length). I suppose I've not given myself enough credit for the life I do have.

I did have my own busniess for several years. I started it as an idea from my H, I gave it up to only work for him. One of the first things H cut me out of was working for him. To this day I think we were closest at the heighth of a major project that we should now be celebrating the income from.

It's really not something I want to go back to---working for other lawyers, and I have also thought about the teaching track. I'm interested in the certificate you mention. I looked into getting an elementary teaching degree (I did this a few years ago before even thinking I would need to----had I "gone for it" then I would now be a teacher!) and it's 3 years of school for me to do that. Are you talking about a certificate to teach a high school subject??

I am involved with a few volunteer projects. My biggest is Destination Imagination, and this year I will be taking over the role of coordinator. I've been in denial and have not stepped up to the job the way I should. One of the first things that H found to complain about was the state of his garage after I had kids over to work...................I need to stop letting his opinion of the program keep me from doing what I need to do---and want to do. That program is something I am passionate about---too bad I can't make money doing that!!

Today I got a phone call from one of my least favorite of D15's teachers. She told me that he said he was going to call me, but didn't know for what. She asked in front of H, and I almost said---he probably wants to ask me out..............but of course I didn't. He's on a committee looking for some parent volunteers to become involved in "Rachel's Challenge." I did a quick google search, and it may also be something that I can really get behind.

Now that I've been able to survive my first few school nights without my kids I am feeling stronger. No contact with H except for kid pick up discussion for several days now.

Today, I went to the Y, walked my 2 miles, did my 20-30 minutes of weights, got my haircut, got a manicure, stopped by an arts and crafts store and signed up for a class, did some grocery shopping and came home and took a nap. I will get myself back. I may find that I'm "just a SAHM" that is passionate about her kids and supporting them. I do have my jewlery hobby that I may be able to turn in to some income.............I just need to come to terms with whether I need to get a real job. Financially, I shouldn't need one. The work that H and I have done (and yes I feel like a major contributor) has put us in a comfortable spot financially, and I think the legal system would make sure he "took care" of me. He has of late made me feel guilty for not having an income----do I let him continue to do that and get a job to make him happy, do I get a job just to get out and keep busy (if so, what), or do I focus on my hobby and try to make money at that and through myself into volunteer work? The million dollar question.....................

I know one thing and that is I will not get a job that will keep me from being flexible and able to be there for my kids. I've worked too hard for that. I worked 2 jobs to help put H through law school. I worked and started my home business while going through a difficult (3rd) pregnancy. I gave up my own biz and worked for H, for free to help get his law firm through a couple major cases that have now put us in the position that WE should be able to enjoy.

I'm doing better today..........maybe the exercise???? maybe the haircut and nails???

Thanks for all the support.