Another one joins the flock (III)

[Mike85]

craig:

I hear ya.

It wasn't really that hard to drop the friends who refused to support my standing for my marriage - our conversations had gotten to a point where it was very easy to decide that listening to them would be toxic to my attitudes and efforts.

Like sgctxok brings up in another thread (I'd link it, but the server seems to be wonky today), figuring out when to look at the glass as half full is part of the technique. Sometimes it's hard enough to not dwell on the negatives (real or imagined) without naysayers adding to the problem. There have been so many times that friends and family have given me the "it's over, see a lawyer" spiel only because they don't want to see me suffer, only making me feel worse. Those words and sentiments are, contrary to their beliefs, NOT supportive.

All my friends see/hear is that W is still with OM. I'll admit that this is a negative, as is W's low self-esteem and new smoking habit.

What I've seen/heard/lived through in the last 3 months:
- W going from seething hatred of me to a growing friendship
- W going from describing my touch as "making her skin crawl" to us sharing hugs and friendly kisses
- W being smacked in the head with a reality check when alcoholic OM abandoned her forty miles from home and didn't call for over 24 hours
- W reaching out to me when no one else could/would help her, and me responding with support and love and no strings
- W telling me during the aforementioned incident that I was an "amazing man," telling one of her female friends that I am a "great friend," and asking me how it feels to know that when she is in a true crisis, she always comes to ME
- Reports from my kids, my in-laws, and our mutual friends about the increase in public bickering btw W and OM. I take the reports cautiously, but it is obvious that their honeymoon is already fading.
- a growing, strengthening bond btw my sons and myself... while the OM has made a specific point of telling W that he's just not into kids
- a reclaiming of the wonderful, loving, mutually-supportive relationship with my in-laws
- a rekindling of my faith in God and all that goes with it; I have gone back to prayer, learned to be patient as God works in my W's life as well as mine, learned to forgive W, and have realized how much I missed my connection to God.
- a growing inner strength and confidence as I learned to run the household by myself, deal with childcare by myself, and easily snagged a better job in a better school district that is incredibly enthusiastic about my joining them.

... and yet, I had friends who didn't want to hear any of this and still wanted me to file for D, sue for full custody of the kids, and then go tomcatting.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - both optimism and pessimism are self-fulfilling, so I choose the former.