It hurts to set a boundary and enforce it. You love your wife.
Why would you take her back? Because you love her.
Should you? Only if she really changes.
But she needs that boundary as much as you do. She can't be permitted to treat you like sh*t. It's tough love. You are educating her, much like you would your own daughters.
You did the right thing.
When you doubt yourself, go back to that posting where you listed your 17 year old daughter's response and analysis of the situation. Read it slowly. It's powerful. I choked up when I read it. Her moral compass is solid, Frank. She's God's gift to you. You've won the moral battle -- hands down. When your 17 year old is pleading with you to man-up and not let your wife cheat on you without consequences I think it's safe to assume it's better to be separate for now than allow your daughters to see unhealthy enabling go on. Your 17 year old knows your wife is an adulterer and a flake. And she's been watching you enable it. For the first time in a long time you are giving her a solid role model. She's begging you to stand up and fight for your joy, your life and your daughters.
Your 17 year old noted that you will lose your sanity, joy and, perhaps even your daughter's love and respect if you allow your wife to continue to treat you in such a terrible way. You have the makings of a great life -- now live it.
Frank, if your wife is to be turned around, it'll only happen by you putting your foot down. You may be doing the best thing to save your marriage, if that's what you still want. You are re-gaining your self-respect, which is very attractive. My wife told me the reason she treated me poorly was because I treated myself poorly-- it was an invitation to further abuse.
I think you need to do a few things now.
1. Go to AA regularly. The powelessness thing is not about staying weak. It's about admitting your weakness and turning to God for help. You must empty your cup before you fill it. No shame in that. I'm sure there are other ways of licking a drinking problem but AA is proven. Go for yourself. Go so that your wife can't use it against you in court. She might play the drinking binge card for custody and the house. It's also a chance to get out and see people. And if, per chance your wife turns around, sobriety will be a key compenent in her trusting you.
2. Go see a lawyer. Not a shark. Someone who has the kid's interest at heart. Tell him/her you would be open to working on the marriage, but you won't tolerate an affair. Find out what you need to protect yourself. Do this now Frank.
3. Get out more. Get into a church care group.
4. Remain loving, firm and peacable with your wife.
Your wife has plenty of time to turn around. You may or may not want her even if she does. It seems you've broken the cycle your in.
