No problem peeps - you are welcome to talk on my blog anytime. :0)
Cinco - when you said "how will I know unless she tells me", oy! Sometimes I want to shake you by your shoulders.
You will KNOW by ASKING her directly, darling! Just because you both have decided that you don't need counseling, now why does that mean that you will also not have the courage to just TALK to her about the situation?
"Wife...I am not meaning to put pressure on you but...did you end up finishing the SSM book yet? I am just asking because we made some progress last week and I want to keep it rolling forward".
(and then to rant in general, not just to Cinco....)
People, we really need to be able to at least talk to our spouses. I have read enough Mars/Venus books that I do now at least understand that talking (in general) for a man, can actually be a painful experience. I get it now that men just don't like to have emotional discussions and they will do nearly anything they can to avoid them.
But maybe men don't realize that opening up those difficult discussions to us, even if you have a deep problem with us that will be hard to talk about - - but if you do have the balls to bring it up and stand your ground, THAT ALONE is a turn on to a woman in a strange way. We get the sense that emotions frighten you and make you run away from difficult topics, but at the same time, this causes us to lose respect for you. If you can't face us and speak your highest truth to us, even if that is going to be something we have done wrong in your eyes, then we don't feel you have enough backbone and we will continue the behavior until you confront us.
Women need to talk. Talking is how we get our feelings known and understood to ourselves. By talking, we are also processing at the same time.
So if you and your wife have a lot of turbulent water under the bridge, you can bet that she needs to talk about it. And by talk about it, I mean SHE needs to be heard. Even if you believe she is the one hiding behind everything and that she refuses to talk....you are misinterpreting her. She needs YOU to be strong enough to approach her about this difficult subject and she needs YOU to be strong enough to actually HEAR her, not just fight or argue.
John Gray goes on and on about this dynamic.
Something funny happened last night with my man and I which resulted in an "aha" moment for me.
I was telling him that my wedding dress came in to the store. He asked me some details surrounding the dress. I answered, not for sure knowing if he meant these details or those details so I answered both. He kind of rolled his eyes at me and proclaimed that he already knew some of those details, and with his eye roll he implied that he "didn't need or have time for the extra info".
This kind of thing infuritates me but of course, it is typical Mars/Venus. He was asking for facts and details. I was sharing. So because my sharing went beyond just the facts, ma'am, he acted like this was an imposition on him. Which to a man, extra words and talking which he didn't ask for ARE an imposition on him....whereas to a woman, this is called SHARING and we need to share with each other or we feel all stuffed up with stuff that needs sharing.
Men advertise - - women share. This a basic Mars/Venus thing. However here was my "aha" moment....
I realized after the above event, that men actually DO like to talk - - ABOUT THEMSELVES.
