I am not new here. I have spent most of my time in another forum. I do however, need help, and hope I can help others too.
I have read HopefulinCal’s threads and an amazing intro story from Smartcookie along with others.
I first came here when my D was being finalized. That was 3.5 yrs ago. It seemed like the people here were my only friends. The only ones who knew the pain I was going through.
I have come across other hurdles since then. Felt that pain again and it doesn’t just come from a marriage gone bad. We take the time, and we learn. Read the books and come here to post. But most of all we hope.
I met someone after my D. Yea, I didn’t think it could happen either. Went into it pretty cautious. She did too as she was also Getting D’d and knew all about DB’ing.
This is my problem. She knew as much about Dbing as I did…maybe more. But I couldn’t let go. Every time I tried the LRT, I would cave in a week. At best ten days. I couldn’t help but think, “ah, she’ll know what I am doing and continue to resist” because she knows the LRT. I am embarrest to say that this went on for months. Emails and texts trying to reason with her. Nothing got through but I still tried. I missed her so much.
I have done my GALing and I date (heart not really in it) and have met some very nice people.
I have now made it two weeks without sending Es or Ts but I found myself crying a little today so I wanted to write something. I know I pushed hard to save what we had.
To the WAS:
Did your spouses push hard?
How long did they persue?
How long after they stopped did it start to make a difference? (I know this answer will vary)
I know this is not about your questions, but your post confused me.
You said "This is my problem. She knew as much about Dbing as I did…maybe more. But I couldn’t let go. Every time I tried the LRT, I would cave in a week. At best ten days. I couldn’t help but think, “ah, she’ll know what I am doing and continue to resist” because she knows the LRT. I am embarrest to say that this went on for months. Emails and texts trying to reason with her. Nothing got through but I still tried. I missed her so much."
Are you talking about a new love interest? You two broke up and you tried DB-ing her, but it ended anyway? I am sorry that I am confused.
OK well again, not having much other details here, but I will say this...
If you and she met while neither of you were even divorced yet, then I think that is just too big of a hurdle for most couples. Going through divorce while trying to maintain a new relationship is just too much strain for the new relationship.
I actually did this myself. Although my relationship "made it" and we are still together, the challenges involved were really too much for most people to get through. Most would not have made it.
So I know you don't really want this advice but....if I were you I would forget about that relationship, grieve it and your marriage for as long as necessary, continue GAL, and continue dating but without expectations....and hopefully after you've healed and moved on, you will meet the right woman.
Ok but still...when you are in a young, tender relationship, and you have to process all the emotions from a divorce at the same time...usually the young relationship just cannot survive.
Always remember that it is possible you and this gal will cross paths again - - if things are meant to be, they will be. But in the meantime, keep healing. And keep praying and reading and go to counseling if you can. Divorce can do so much damage. We all need help to recover and it can take many years.
Yes, you are right. I know I had some walls going into that relationship. A little aprehensive in some things I did.
I am glad you used the word "usually". Most of us here have a spouse (ex) that is with a SO they met while married to us. And most have married them.
I just felt we had the right tools and experience to make a go of it. But we went from talking out everything (past/present) to not being able to talk at all it seemd. All in a matter of 2 weeks.
I hope some day (sooner than later) she will see that I was still open to listening and working through the difficulties all relationships have.
Still hope someone will answer my original questions above.
Climbing the walls. Feel like I'm going to scream!
song by J Denver
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean you fill up my senses, come fill me again.
Come let me love you, let me give my life to you let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you come let me love you, come love me again.
You fill up my senses like a night in the forest like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean you fill up my senses, come fill me again.
